Island Of Tropic Diseases

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Loser Is As Loser Does

"You're the kind of guy that I push away," Meredith drones on, reinforcing my long-standing and repeatedly proven belief that if you listen closely, your mate will tell you exactly how he or she will break your heart and disguise it as insecurities about themselves. It's not an admission. It's a warning. She continues on, "You're right in front of my face. Sometimes, I don't know what to do," and then confessionalizes, "Matthew is the kind of guy you take home to your family." The sum total of those comments, along with pretty much everything she's ever said about Matthew, means, "I should like you. A lot more than I do." Ever know that guy? Who was so, so nice that you wished you liked him more? Whose shimmering heart of gold glows through his shining armor? Who makes you want to turn on your heart light and let it shine wherever you go? Ladies, meet Matthew. Ladies, choose Ian.

We check in for the first time this episode with Chris "Not A Strand Of Movable" Harrison up in the Gloom Room. He kicks it off by asking Meredith about her week, and she responds that she's found some "clarity" in the form of "two men I that I can definitely see myself falling in love with," continuing on that it's "two different paths...I'm not sure which path I want to go down yet." So, to be sure (and who didn't know at this point?), the Chad Path winds around Loserdom-on-Hudson and his mom's house. So, basically, Meredith will not be planting her hiking stick in that path ever. So let's dispense with the unmanufactured non-drama. Why ever watch the video messages? Why even do it? Chris picks up the plate where Steve Martin and Lily Tomlin were mixed together in All of Me and heads downstairs to meet the men, while Meredith makes her way over to the video messages screen and already knows whom she's picking.

"Well, each time that you and I get together things seem to get better and better," Chad chirps happily, adding that he enjoyed their lunch on the boat and also their romantic dinner. He wants another rose "so [they] can expand on these great experiences." Downstairs, Chris welcomes Chad into the bottom floor of the manse, and Chad lumbers in like the most docile gorilla that ever lived in the zoo. In a cage with its mother.

Upstairs, Ian's video message unspools. He welcomes Meredith as "babe," which is what you call a pig in a movie and not a girl on a date. He continues that he really enjoyed their "magical day" in "Sahn Hwon," celebrating in particular what happened when he got "this card." He holds up the invitation to the faaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahntasy suite. And, downstairs, Chris accompanies Ian into the house. Ian doesn't tell Chris anything about himself because he's very private, but not too private to reassert constantly just how private a guy he is. I guess if he really wanted to communicate himself to Chris, he'd have to kiss him full on the mouth. To Ian, with saliva comes also knowledge.

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