Bachelorette
Island Of Tropic Diseases

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Loser Is As Loser Does

"I want to meet your family. Your brother, your mom and dad, everybody." Trust us, Matthew. We've met them. You're wrong.

Retreating back to the Gloom Room, Meredith's voice-over tells us that she has to do "some soul-searching," seeing as there are "a couple of guys [she's] confused about still." That confessional was recorded in a century before yarn was invented. She's not confused now. She said she knew which two guys she was going to pick. I have no understanding of anything besides that. Downstairs, Chris puts down the boutonnière tray and sympathizes with Meredith's "difficult decision." He wishes them "all the best" and retreats to get Meredith, who is searching her soul for a good place to get some fries. Because she ain't got nothing else on her mind.

Realizing that they'll never win this episode so they might as well concede and just concentrate on the next one (when did this show start being produced by the DNC?), even the promos are already hung up on the and will she say yes? question, hardly realizing that Chad is just lingering around the edge of the set, being all, "Um, excuse me, still here. Little help?" Chris accompanies our Bachlorette down the winding staircase, and she immediately kicks it off: "Tonight is very bittersweet for me." Like a Special Dark Hershey's Miniature? Poor dear! "I don't want to say goodbye to one of you, but on the other hand...." On the other hand, one of you lives with your mom.

Angsty reaction shots abound.

Matthew, will you accept this rose? He will. He will, indeed. He curries further favor by asking Meredith, "Are you okay?" She's fine. Who's supposed to be asking the questions here?

Ian, will you accept this rose? They both laugh in an our-relationship-has- already-eclipsed-this- bullshit-rose- accepting-thing kind of way, while Chad seems...well, not to quite get the joke. Chris steps forward and spiels that Chad should probably buzz the hell off, and after exchanging hugs with the other guys (awwwww!), Meredith accompanies him outside. It is kind of sad to watch someone in the throes of heartbreak. But it would be kind of more poignant if he knew the person also.

Chad and Meredith walk down the steps together hand in hand, Chad warning, "Not too far. I don't know if I can walk." Meredith faces him and tells him that she's falling for both of the other guys, and felt that she and Chad "weren't at that point." Because this is a job interview that yielded no job, Chad actually solicits feedback: "Is there anything that, like...?" He trails off, because he remembers that he and Meredith don't actually know each other. "Please don't going away from this thinking it was this or it was that," Meredith says. Yeah, isn't it enough for her just not to like you? Chad goes on saying that he thought they had a good time together, and Meredith says that there were "too many questions." Chad admits that "it hurts," and she sighs her first emotionally invested word of the season, which should never, under any circumstance, be the word "Chaaaaaad." She continues, "It wasn't anything about you. It's about me." "It's not you it's me"? She really gave him "it's not you it's me"? Dude. Chad invented "it's not you, it's me." Out of necessity. Because, you, see, it's always him.

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Bachelorette

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