Bachelorette

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Inside, the guys talk about how Jesse is "killin' it" out there. Tanner F says he's going to take the next shot, and then he does indeed cut in and spirits Jillian away. In an interview, Jillian talks about how flattering this is, but overwhelming. Just once, whether it's a bachelor or bachelorette, I'd love for the object of affection to realize that they don't have to be taken away. Or maybe they do. Is that part of the contract? Tanner talks about wanting someone to take his breath away.

The English guy talks about how she's been gone for quite a while, so she's probably with a pretty good guy. You know, if you're stupid to understand what he's saying, you're probably too dumb to read the long subtitles quickly enough before they're taken off the screen.

Then the surfing guy talks to her. I forget who he is already. It's really not important yet, right? He says he was impressed with her last season, because she seems the most real. He says that's his thing, just being real. You know, I think if you have to explain that you're being real? You're not being real. Oh, wait, it's Kiptyn. You'd think I would have remembered that. In an interview, Jillian says the guys seem to keep getting better looking and better looking. I'm sure the alcohol doesn't have anything to do with that. She says she relies on her personality, not her looks, so she hopes the guys are attracted to that. Fortunately, Juan sits with her and in an interview talks about how easy she is to talk it. And not her tits and ass, like Michael did.

Jillian goes back in to sit with the aspiring Mr. Bachelors for a bit, but it's not long before Chris comes in with a first-impression rose. As usual, we get someone (this time, it's Stephen) who tells us that up until then everybody forgot that this was a competition and some of these guys are going to be going home. Jillian says she thought that this was going to be a really black-and-white decision, but it's tougher than that, because there are so many great guys out there. So here's where it starts: the constant complaining about how she never knew how hard it would be to be on the other side of the rose ceremony. After this, I really hope we go back to having fresh contestants for the Bachelors and Bachelorettes.

"You're cruisin' for a bruisin', bro," says someone, as the guys pick up the rose and pass it around. Kyle says people are getting "catty" in there, and some guys are "bleeps," if he's being honest. Then Kyle draws a mustache on Jillian's index finger, which is something his friends all have tattoos of, and she can hold her finger up to her nose and pretend she's Snidely Whiplash? Brian, sitting there, admits to being creeped out. Because he's so not gay that even a comical mustache makes him not horny for Jillian, or something. In an interview, he shrugs, "All right, Kyle, if that's how you want to rock it out." Which, honestly, is more annoying than Kyle's finger mustache in the first place.

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Bachelorette

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