Bachelorette

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With This Ring, I Thee Ed

And then Kiptyn talks about how this is something he definitely wants, and then he goes to see a jeweler who lies and says that he designed all the rings with Jillian in mind, and there are like four rings there, so I guess he'll throw out all the ones that don't wind up on Jillian's finger, given that they were designed for her. Kiptyn says he's the luckiest man on earth because he gets to propose to a woman in the hopes she'll select him instead of the other man she's currently having sex with. Then he gets so excited it's time for some shirtless running on the beach. "I'm making a commitment to Jillian to make her the happiest woman alive, to be there for her every day, and that's a promise I wanna stand by," he says, which doesn't sound like, "I'm going to ask Jillian to marry me" to me.

Then there's Ed, who makes the long trek up the stairs to pick out one of the extra-Jillian-special rings. It was nerve-racking but exciting, he tells us. He says it's the last step in showing her he loves her. "I want to make Jillian happy for the rest of her life. I think I can do that, and I hope she makes the right choice," he says.

The various thimblebrains get ready for this travesty to be over, with Kiptyn and Ed talking about how hard it would be to lose Jillian, and then it looks like Jillian is already in her dress and it looks like she's been crying as she talks about how hard today is going to be. "I don't know how my heart is going to be able to hold up, when I have to put one guy in that car and send him home, knowing that I am crazy about him," she says.

Back to Kiptyn, who blah blah blahs some more while he gets dressed, and Ed does the same. Jillian lays out her dress and talks about her "incredible journey" again, and then the guys are blah blah blahing, and then there is a limo ride, and Jillian says some stuff about love, and Kiptyn says today is a beginning not an end, like OH NO, THIS IS THE GODDAMN END, I PROMISE YOU, and then Ed informs us that marriage is a huge decision, because what institution treats marriage more seriously than The Bachelorette?

And then Harrison is welcoming Jillian out of the limo and telling her not to be so nervous, because she knows what she wants, and then she strolls along a boardwalk across a pool to take her place at Proposal Point, surrounded by flowers. "I am here looking for the person to spend the rest of my life with. I have so much love to give. It's real, honest, true, unconditional," she says, adding that normally she'd be scared, but she's confident that she's found the person to take a "leap of faith" with.

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Bachelorette

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