Bachelorette

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With This Ring, I Thee Ed

Reid says he doesn't have any regrets, coming back and giving it one last chance. "I thought Jillian was somebody who I had such a deep connection with, where it would work no matter what," he says, adding again that it doesn't make sense. He figures he was a little too late, and it's a shame.

So Jillian tells us that watching Reid drive away was "heartbreaking." Just like with Kiptyn! But now she's all excited because Ed's on his way. Just like after Kiptyn! She stands there with her hands on her hips. "Ed better not fucking disappoint me," she says. Classy to the end, Jillian.

So the third of the guys who Jillian is absolutely crazy about is rolling up. "I can see him in my life long-term. Forever. Fifty years down the road," says Jillian, adding their relationship is complete. "I am one hundred percent madly in love with Ed," she says, and she can't wait for him to walk down the path, so she can tell him she wants to spend the rest of her life with him.

Harrison welcomes Ed to Proposal Point. He says he's never felt "this positive" about someone ever. She smiles as he approaches, and he tells her she looks incredible. They stand there, staring at each other. Ed launches into what sounds like a rehearsed speech: "Jillian, you may not know how much you've impacted me, how you've changed me as a man, and how you've helped me re-prioritize my life." Wow, it's like a Shakespearean sonnet. "You're everything I could ever ask for in a woman. You're beautiful, you're intelligent, you're funny, you're confident, and you make me smile when I look in your eyes," he continues. Well, that's better. He says he needs to know if she's in love with him too. "There's no doubt in my mind, I love you so much," she says, managing to leave out the part where a few minutes ago Reid's arrival put a whole TON of doubt into her mind. She tells him that she's wanted to tell him for so long that she loves him (but couldn't because then the show would have a harder time convincing us that she's in love with a bunch of different guys).

There's one last thing, says Ed, before getting down on one knee and opening up the ring box. She starts squealing, as he says he wants to be with her forever and wants her to give him a hard time when they're eighty years old. Well, odds are he won't be the one giving her a hard time. "Jillian, will you marry me?" "Absolutely!" she squeals, and he stands up and they hug and she says she's crazy about him and they make out. "Do you have any idea how much fun we're going to have?" she says, and then there are some dolphins going by, and ... oh, sorry, that's just Jillian squealing. And then there is a montage of Ed and Jillian scenes set to some godawful country song playing and then she pins the final rose on him, and then it's done! No more Jillian! I'm done! Wait, what's that? "After the final rose"? Tomorrow?

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Bachelorette

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