Bachelorette
Bachelorette

Episode Report Card
Daniel: B+ | 1228 USERS: C+
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I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend

Over to San Diego, now, which is Kiptyn's hometown, and he tells us this is a special day because he's "definitely aware that there's a strong possibility that I could fall in love with Jillian." Sigh. It's like something you can only hear sung by the gondoliers in Venice, isn't it? He's waiting by the beach when Jillian squeals and comes running over to hug him. She tells us that up until now, it's either been that she wants the guy she can't have and she can't be herself around him, or she doesn't want the guy who falls in love with her for being herself, but with Kiptyn, she feels she can be herself and be in love, or something like that. Then they are drinking wine on the beach, which is probably illegal. Kiptyn says she's going to be meeting his stepdad tonight, and then the next thing we know they're making out. "If Kiptyn's family is as perfect as he is, this could be overwhelming."

Then she got worried because his house was so beautiful and rustic, whatever that's supposed to mean. She thinks this might be the first family she doesn't fit in with.

So inside the house, Jillian meets the family, and they hug -- is that painting fuzzed out? What, is it secretly a McDonald's billboard or something? Kiptyn says Jillian's meeting his mom Eve, stepdad Earl, sister Dahvia, brother Bryce and Bryce's girlfriend Nancy. Kiptyn says he hopes Jillian gets along with his family, because that would make things so much easier. Well, um, yeah.

And then Earl invites Jillian out to see the yard, where they have an "indoctrination" prepared for her, which turns out to be yellow caution tape around the hot tub, because they saw the last few episodes of The Bachelor. Jillian jokes that it won't stop her, and then tells us she loves it when people poke fun at her for being a skank. I mean, she words it differently, but that's the idea. Jillian can't promise there won't be another hot tub scene. Your dad must be so proud.

Kiptyn's parents then make her judge the lasagnas they made and the wines they selected, and Jillian considers herself a "foodie," like how annoying are people who refer to themselves as "foodies" anyway, and then Jillian picks lasagna No. 2 paired with the dark red wine, which is apparently the "correct" opinion for her to have on the subject of HER OWN PERSONAL FOOD PREFERENCES, and everyone toasts. And then suddenly Kiptyn's parents are speaking a little bit of French, and then Eve is classily tossing the wine onto the ground, and yelling, "Only Grandma drinks that!" and laughing uproariously, and somehow Jillian is under the impression that Kiptyn's parents are very polished and refined, like THEY PUT YELLOW POLICE TAPE AROUND THE HOT TUB BECAUSE OF YOUR SKINEMAX HOT TUB SCENE. "They might just think I'm a total hillbilly!" Well, impart your hot dog theory. I'm sure they'll be impressed.

Bachelorette

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