Bachelorette
Jillian Visits The Bachelors' Hometowns

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I Wanna Be Your Boyfriend
Meanwhile, Jillian's chatting with Betty, who acknowledges that her son can be standoffish at first but when he's comfortable with opening up, he does. Like he is with his brother, using the word "dude" way too much, and Jacob is focusing on how cute Jillian is. Jacob tells us that he's jealous of Kiptyn, who seems quite excited.

So Jacob sits down with Jillian to ask her why she thinks Jesse could be the one, and Jillian says a whole lot of nonsense about Jesse taking care of her and her taking care of him, and Jacob thankfully interrupts her to ask if they've been naked together yet, and Jillian says, "It doesn't get like that for a little while," by which I guess she means the overnight dates. Jacob says it doesn't surprise him that Jillian says Jesse took the longest to open up, since his brother is "an emotional ice cube" sometimes. Jillian says she learned a lot about Jesse tonight. And then the evening culminates with Jacob on guitar, Jesse on drums, Joseph on tambourine, "rocking out," in the parlance of our times.

And then Jillian and Jesse sit down for some mind-numbingly boring chit-chat about the geopolitical picture and what America's role should be in a rapidly changing world, and also some of the ideological differences between Canadians and Americans, which turns them on so much that they start making out. Kiptyn compares Jillian to a fine wine and then his explanation of the metaphor doesn't work out, what with how you want to drink it right now, but you come back to it months or years later and drink it all in then... or something.

And now, the most dramatic hometown date in Bachelorette history, we've been promised, as a prelude to the most dramatic confrontation in Bachelorette history. Austin, Texas, Wes's hometown. Jillian thinks Wes "gets" her more than the other bachelors do, and they're very much alike, because Jillian buys into the tired stereotype of "small town = honest and decent," and I'd like to point out that when it was time for the bachelors to visit Jillian's hometown, she brought them to her adopted hometown of Vancouver and not her actual small hometown of Peace River or even her grandparents' home in Kelowna, because she wants to live in a big city but if you think that living in the city means you're deceitful and materialistic, then you need to constantly remind people what a simple small-town girl you are. Sorry. Didn't mean to get on a rant.

So anyway, Wes. Jillian says there's something one of them is holding something back, and she can't pinpoint if it's her or Wes. Uh, you can't tell if you're holding something back? What you mean is, the producers have hinted to you that Wes is holding something back, but you have to pretend that you're figuring out something is a little off.

So Jillian meets up with Wes, who introduces her to his band, while he tells us that they have a new CD coming out. And in Austin, Jillian claps and giggles about how awesome it was to have Wes sing to her. And Wes tells us how good it felt to get back up on stage, and whatever else you can say about Wes, he seems genuine in his love for performing.

But we gotta manufacture some drama, right? Because I suppose it was Jake's idea to fly into Austin to confront Wes about having a girlfriend, right? "I'm not here to get a rose back," he tells us, saying Jillian made her decision, but she made it with "incomplete information." He calls Wes a "deceiver" and chauvinistically says Jillian needs protecting.

Back at the Lame Ole Opry, Wes is OH GOD NO HE'S PLAYING "LOVE IT DON'T COME EASY" AGAIN. Jillian says it felt like her heart was going to jump out of her chest. I think that's your dinner, Jillian.

And then the dramatic music plays as we see Jake calling Tanner of all people to ask if he's doing the right thing in telling Jillian that Wes has a girlfriend. We don't hear Tanner speak at all, but presumably the answer has something to do with a pumice stone and nail clippers.

And there's Jillian the groupie excitedly talking to Wes about how cool it would be if his band takes off, and Wes says it's already taking off and she might as well get on the train now. She asks if they make a good team, and Wes says he has to have her to himself. "I am crazy about you," Jillian tells him and asks if he thinks she's not right for him. Wes says the minute he thinks she's not right for him, he's out of there. And he says he's here for the right reasons, and he doesn't know what to say, and Jillian tells him he's saying the right things. Man, he's saying things that would sound immature even for high-schoolers in small-town Alberta.

Meanwhile, Jake has finally changed out of his pilot's uniform and is vowing to put an end to Wes playing with Jillian's heart.

So now Jillian's waiting around in a hotel room, waiting for Wes to pick her up, and then there's Jake at the door. She says her first thought was that he was coming back to ask why she let him go. They sit down and she says something lame about how of all the guys he's the one she's most wanted to check on to see if he's OK, which we all know she'd be saying to whoever was sitting there.

So then he says he's not there to get her back, but because she thinks she'll have a hard time with one guy in particular, who she correctly identifies as Wes. "Because of his career and why he's here. Is that what you think?" she asks him. "My body just went numb," says Jake, like welcome to what it's like WATCHING this nonsense, and I'm guessing the instructions from the producers were to draw this out as long as possible. "Wes is here for his career, Wes doesn't love me, Wes is gay..." prompts Jillian. "Wes has a girlfriend. Her name is Laurel," says Jake, who says Wes confided in him and they talked about Laurel "more than three times." So... four times?

Jillian looks stricken, and Jake apologizes because she's someone who deserves someone who worships the ground she walks on. She asks if he's one hundred percent sure, and Jake says he wouldn't be here if he wasn't. He also says Wes will tell her that Laurel is a girlfriend from his past who he's still really good friends with. Jillian, fighting back tears, talks about how what goes around comes around, and talks about how she's sincere and a good person, and she has to put up with all this, and maybe she should just call it quits. "You can tell Wes that I came here," says Jake, adding that he'll be in Austin and if she needs him she can call him. Jillian tells us that she's upset and really disappointed.

Jillian, still teary-eyed, says Wes has been talking about his family from day one, and she was really excited to meet them, but he fucked it up. We watch Wes walking down the hallway, not yet aware that this is about to become the most dramatic confrontation in Bachelorette history.

After the commercial break, Jillian says she needs to hear it from Wes, that she needs to grill him as hard as she can. Wes knocks on the door, and Jillian invites him in for a drink. "Sho' nuff, sho' nuff," says Jillian. They sit down, and Jillian's being fake perky, and then says she needs to talk to him. And instead of asking him flat out about Laurel, she just asks if there's anything that he needs to tell her about his past or anything. "I hate that you're asking me about this," says Wes, who thinks she's asking him about his career again, but that's not it, so he just asks her to ask what it is that she needs to ask. She says someone told her that he has a girlfriend, and he's all confused. "One of my guys?" he says, and Jillian beats around the bush before finally explaining that Jake was there about an hour ago, and told her. Wes, looking awfully guilty, clears his throat, and then says, "That's crazy." Hilariously, he then tells Jillian exactly what Jake said he would say, about how this is an old girlfriend with whom he's still friends. I think, though, it's worth pointing out that Jake might know that that's what Wes would say if it were also the truth. But kind of tellingly, he gets a little confrontational with her, all, "If

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