Stepping into their Über War Limo, Trista tells us that they are headed from the water park to "Saks Fifth Avenue," and we cut inside the car to hear Charlie pouring his heart out about finding out that a girlfriend had been cheating on him. Trista confesses that the same thing happened to her (a girlfriend cheated on...oh, never mind), and Charlie bowls her over and continues with his story. She voices over, "He's been cheated on. I've been cheated on. We can relate to that." Which means they share one more thing in common: that they clearly both SUCK IN BED! No, I'm totally kidding. Getting cheated on is totally the worst. It ruins lives and makes snow globes into murder weapons. Avoid avoid avoid. Trista thinks that once you're cheated on, it makes you "stay faithful because he knows how bad it hurts to get cheated on." True. Actually, a total falsehood.
Über War Limo pulls up to Saks, where we find a stylist the closed captioning tells me is named "Jose Eber" waiting for Trista. Wearing what I think is a leather cowboy hat that screams, "I am wearing this because I am flamboyant and ironic, as well as being a reminder of how glad you are you sent that creepy Brook guy packing," Jose Eber (I'll just bet he insists on being referred to by both names all the time) and his team style Trista's hair and makeup while Charlie watches. Jose Eber tells us in an exaggerated hodgepodge accent from the ambiguous faraway land of "Foreignia" (I believe Jamie played them in the Fake Basketball Olympics once, in fact), "Gonn-a-ta make-a ee-you preetee and bee-oo-tee-fool fahr grayteh romanteek deenair." Charlie sits patiently, telling us, "She looked amazing after that was done." We cut to Trista in a bathrobe holding (natch) a near-empty (or, for you optimists in the crowd, "nearly refilled") glass of champagne, made-up and wandering around Saks. And who does she bump into? Why, look! It's noted designer Shoshanna Lonstein! Y'all, did I seriously just stumble into the dailies of Born Rich for a second, because I feel very bourgeois all of a sudden and I want to go home and eat a lot of Taco Bell. This is way too glam for me. Shoshanna introduces herself to Trista (yes, dear, we all know who you are), and Trista voices over, "I can't believe she came here just for me." Unless your name is "scads of free press" or "an advertisement of my products for middle-class American women who now mistakenly think they can afford me," I don't think she is. Cut to Trista looking heavily made up and sporting Midwest Prom Hair, emerging from behind a door wearing a red Lonstein dress because this is what all pediatric physical therapists do. And, back at Mann's Caucasian Theater, Trista's boobies tell Ryan that they're all going on a date that will "fit [his] gentle nature." And she hears that "Shamu may be joining us for dinner." Is that a fat joke? Bob: "Is that a fat joke? Am I going?" Heh. He's pretty one-note, people, but you've got to admit that that one note is far more compelling than the whole of Russ's lushly-orchestrated Satan Symphony.