I like rocks
Rocks are gray
When you talk to a rock
They always say...
[Silent, sardonic pause. Because, well, rocks don't talk.]
I know. The meanest. But besides telling you that story so that you can judge harshly my catty, unevolved 1999 self, I offer it to you as a rather adequate description of Ryan. Silent and rock-like is the real Ryan. And it rhymes! And whatever, my friend broke up with her anyway. I'm telling you, she sucked.
In the limo, Ryan just drones. Here's some of it now: "Before. I felt like you needed to know someone before you get married to them." But now? "If you know enough about 'em, if you know that you love 'em, why not make the commitment?" I have no idea what's going on right now. "If this is going to be some sort of fairy-tale ending, like, I came on television and I met this beautiful person and I'm engaged to her, then let's just carry out the fairy tale. Let's just jump on the...well, not -- jump on the horse isn't right -- let's walk into the sunset. Walk out and live happily ever after." Trista is holding her hair in front of her eyes like it has as good a chance of impressing her verbally as the man sitting way way way across from her in the limo. One network over, Simon and the gang have told thirty people that they are "the worst singer I've ever heard, ever" in three completely different cities in the same amount of time it took this scene to unfold. And rocks are gray.
And, we're swimming with the dolphins. Cut to Trista and Rhymin' wearing wetsuits, which is really the very last compelling reason to keep him in the running. We're at Sea World, walking the dolphins and swimming with the dolphins. Trista baby-talks to one, the instructor telling her, "Give her a kiss." Rhymin' thinks his action is being impinged upon, and he argues, "I guess I was a little jealous when Trista kissed the dolphin. But I don't know if there's anything I can do to a six-hundred-pound animal that can swim a lot faster than I can." Oh, please. Two words: tuna net. Who's tough then, dolphins? Trista is happy that she and Rhymin' were able to share this experience, because it was "something he'd never done on a date before." But Trista? Dolphin-swimming date machine.