Bachelorette
Once In Love With Ian

Episode Report Card
Djb: D+ | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Circle Gets The Square

Matthew is all fun times graciousness and tells her, "If you see yourself with somebody else, you shouldn't be with me." And then, he's gone, though Meredith walks him out just in case she finds a new position the knife has not yet been in or a small packet of salt from her Happy Meal she can pour gleefully onto his sleeve, where his heart is oozing six week's worth of lost Texas pride. "I don't want to remember you with a frown," he tells her, and proof that when people say they just want a nice guy means that people are lying hops into the limo and is gone.

"You don't say goodbye to Matthew, but I'm saying goodbye to Matthew because I'm in love with Ian," Meredith tells us. Meanwhile, in the limo, Matthew deems this "insane and crazy." He puts the ring next to him on the seat of the limo, and America promptly forgets his name.

Meredith has said that she's "nervous" for the sixteenth time. Buy a Mad Libs. Choose a new emotion. Second it. Ian tells us that he still doesn't know whether he's going to propose, but that he'll know when he looks in her eyes. He's seems to be right in the thick of a genuine anxiety attack in the limo, and Chris opens the door for him, somehow managing to suppress the urge to look at his watch and wink, observing, "A bit LATER than usual, don't you think? Eh? EH?" Dude. He should know he's the winner. Can't he hear the happy music?

Meredith fixes Ian's tie and gets right on with it: "I'm very happy. And I've very happy that I met you. And everything that you give to me I never think I would find." So far her speech to Matthew was much, much better. "Ian, I want to be with you. And I don't ever see myself without you. And I am just absolutely so, so in love with you it's crazy. I have never felt like this before." She cries. He hugs. It's havoc on the body mics, which would make me believe they were getting engaged underneath a pile of carpet if this show took place on the radio. "I'm so scared, baby," Ian says, for some reason lapsing into a weird Elvis voice. He kisses her, and then there's a big twist. Can you guess? Can you? "The first day I stepped out the limo? I knew. I worried that everything has happened so fast." Meredith agrees, and Ian proclaims himself as scared again, but -- but? -- "I trust my instincts." And he's down. We have an Ian down! Repeat, an Ian down! "I cannot believe I'm doing this." Neither can your sense-seeking brother. He asks, "Will you?" Still haven't said the word, Ian. Still haven't said the word. He accepts the rose. They kiss. "Ian could have given me a ring out of a gumball machine." Just as long as he gives her a ring. Any fucking ring at all.

Previous 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12

Bachelorette

Comments

SHARE THE SNARK

X

Get the most of your experience.
Share the Snark!

See content relevant to you based on what your friends are reading and watching.

Share your activity with your friends to Facebook's News Feed, Timeline and Ticker.

Stay in Control: Delete any item from your activity that you choose not to share.

The Latest Activity On TwOP