Bachelorette
One On One's So Slow

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Lanny, Get Your Gun

Ian is next to drag Meredith away, and the two of them find their way to a hammock, where Ian opens up, "It isn't easy being on the other side." I'm not really sure how it gets to this, but he says, "You're gonna get cocky on me," and she lovingly (because he wins) tells him she thinks he might be a little cocky, too. "Only when in know I'm gonna get lucky," he volleys, and has to recant and add that he means, "On the golf course." Meredith tells us that Ian makes her "melt." He tells her that he doesn't believe in "verbal confirmation" of his feelings, and Meredith complains that eventually he's going to have to be "more open." Meredith tells us that she had a "great day" that's led to a "tough situation" of whom to choose, and if it's of any help, I remind you of this, Meredith: real gentlemen, in the course of wooing, at least take off their visors. Jesus.

Lanny is the only person I've ever seen thank the limo driver for opening the door, and if they only put that in there to help ingratiate him to the viewing audience...well, it works. He walks through the front door of Meredith's house carrying a brown bag of groceries just overflowing with food and flowers like he's walking back from some tony Upper West Side market in that fabled city known as Nora Ephron Movie Town. ["If there isn't a stalk of celery poking out the top, I won't believe they're actually groceries." -- Wing Chun] Meredith tells us that she questions her compatibility with Lanny, reminding us, "Lanny breeds stallions and I am a city girl." Don't it seem like they never ever agree? You like the movies and I like TV. I take thing serious and you take 'em light. I go to bed early and, well, I don't think I have to tell you that the other parties all night. But when we get together it just all works out. Because if you're in a music video with a cartoon cat and somebody still wants to love you? You take two steps forward, even if they take two steps back. Meredith adds that she feels like she ought give Lanny a chance: "My friends love him." Yes. Kelly Jo likes him. But I think she also like likes him. Thoughts?

"Hope you like seafood," Lanny says, pulling what I expect to be the McDonald's Filet O-Fish Happy Meal out of the bag. He tells Meredith they'll be having shrimp cocktail for an appetizer and then moving onto halibut, which he clearly thinks is the world's most exotic foodstuff, as we note when he asks all proudly, "You like halibut?" She does indeed. Lanny cops to being nervous about the whole situation, saying that he's never cooked for a girl on a date before. He talks openly (oh, sorry, I meant "Oedipally") about his awesome mom, saying, "She's by the far the greatest person I've ever met." His dad, meanwhile, "is a little bit of a wild child." Are his parents Julie Jordon and Billy Bigelow? Because I think Lanny might have been brought up in a lavish Broadway spectacular about love and death in the heartland. Meredith notes that she can be "moody," but not when she's feeling loved. Lanny is "hoping to find that, too." In a confessional, he tells us that he has "visions" of himself and Meredith together, "and not just hangin' around for the hell of it, to tell you the truth." Not that I really know anything about them, but, just as a speculative exercise, I would really like for them to embark on a five-minute discussion entitled simply, "Your political party is WHAT?" and see how much longer this relationship goes forward.

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