Bachelorette
One On One's So Slow

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Lanny, Get Your Gun

Okay, is anyone else completely over Ryan's non-stop commercial for Micro Machines? Because I certainly am. A confessional finds him pointing at his nose and noting, "I'm intuitive enough to recognize that something has changed." Why is that gesture the physical representation of his observation? Why does he follow his nose? Because it always knows? Back at the house, Ryan pulls Kelly Jo aside and wants to know "what's going on with her," I guess meaning Meredith. He adds that "she was showing interest," but that it stopped as soon as some scapegoat arrived. Because the fact is, even if Meredith had believed Ryan perfect for her, the very reason they bring in the friends is to offer some perspective on things. But, in reality, she was never that into him in the first place, so he's basing his freak-out on the assumption that she was feeling the same way. And the fact that she doesn't? Blame it Kelly Jo. Ryan asks Kelly Jo if she thinks he's insincere, and she missteps, "You're way more serious about this than I thought you were." A-ha! Kelly Jo admits that she thinks Ryan's better as a friend, and that Meredith is looking for someone with a little more "intrigue." And not to defend Ryan or anything, but if she's looking for intrigue and mystery, Meredith should pack up her black dresses and shawls and just take up permanent residence inside of a '50s film noir, because those men don't actually exist and when you find a suave debonair gentlemen who has secrets he can't divulge, the secret all too often shakes out to be "head in the freezer." It just does. Not that Ryan doesn't have a head in the freezer -- his favorite conversation partner seems to be a face that doesn't talk back -- but at least he'd tell you all about it so that there would be no surprises later. Nevertheless, Ryan tells Kelly Jo that he knew she was sabotaging his chances with Meredith (wait, what?), telling us once more how "intuitive" he is to have sussed this all out. "Now I know that what I was assessing is correct," he says, failing to add a pretension-soaked "Elementary!" afterward because he wouldn't get the reference.

Matthew and Meredith are eating in the empty winery. "I wanted to be here with you and no one else," he tells her. They banter cutely about something I don't understand at all ("What else?" "We'll have to find out. I don't know!"), and Meredith tells us how genuine Matthew is about the whole thing. They retire to a back corner of the room and speak of Texas, Meredith's Venus flytrap turtleneck climbing higher on her neck as she nods forward toward a conversationally-appropriate REM sleep. She hazards a sexy sexy "It's getting a little hot over here," and Matthew doesn't get it, asking if she wants to move away from the fire. In a confessional, she expresses confusion about why he hasn't kissed her yet, and we cut back to the winery and her saying, "I have been waiting for you to kiss me for so long!" Yes, yes. The mad building passion of four hours' knowing one another. It's like Cold Mountain in there, but, y'know, much, much more entertaining. And with much less of that horrible, horrible music.

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Bachelorette

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