MONDO EXTRAS

Oh, the man-hating, castrating hilarity!

Below that is another list entitled "Acceptable 'one word' answers," but on the basis of the words "one word" being quoted for emphasis (an egregious error) and the completely unnecessary capitalization of the words "To Die For," I'm calling a two-minute grammatical penalty and skipping ahead.

Or, we can just make up our own:

1. Shut
2. Up
3. Trista
4. This
5. Is
6. Such
7. A
8. Waste
9. Of
10. Our
11. Nation's
12. Time
13. And
14. Limited
15. Resources
16. Please
17. Please
18. Please
19. Stop
20. The
21. Lambs
22. From
23. Screaming
24. Love
25. Djb

Flatware! Flatware! Flatware! Wait, they're DESIGINING their own wedding china? Like. Wow. I mean, y'all know I swim in the shallow end of the pool and I'm not typically one to be all tithe for the poor! tithe for the poor! but I do find this opulence to be kind of embarrassing. Mindy doesn't agree, and she's damn near simulating the energy level of an actual animated, alive person when she tells us, "They get to design china from the same place that designs for the White House and Royal Families." Sitting with a china designer (I didn't even know such people existed) at Lenox, the couple claims total ignorance on the matter of designing china. But I'll give you a hint. Ryan doesn't want pink china. Trista wouldn't mind pink china. And the word "leitmotif" leaps out of the dictionary to its untimely death, leaving in its place an ugly black ink scar, below which is hastily scrawled the words "Pink at Trista and Ryan's Wedding: see instead 'heavy motif.'"

North of Olympic and several thousand miles from any reason or sanity, we're at "Lehr & Black Invitationers." Dear Lehr. And Black: "invitationers" is not a word. Please reprint. Love, those squiggly red lines that appear underneath misspelled words on my word-processing program. That's a pretty cute sign, though.

Shaquille O'Neal. Jessica Simpson. Shut up, Mindy. Though she does end this latest list of clientele with kind of a barbed sentiment, telling us, "I knew they'd be able to create something at least Trista would like." Lehr or Black shows Ryan and Trista invitations that confuse me. Deep in the mix, it sounds like Lehr or Black is saying that the invitations are "for the shower," but I think that was a weirdly-edited cut, because I think they're seeing the actual wedding invitations. It's a giant pink tutu with Trista's name printed in a different shade of pink across the bottom, and then, for some reason, a black tuxedo on a hanger. What's going on? Trista loves it and says "Oh, my god" a thousand times. Ryan tells Trista that he'll just invite his friends to the wedding over the phone. HATES her.