MONDO EXTRAS

Trista's disingenuousness can now be proven mathematically. Trista? Why do you insist on turning this wedding into a Theorem Of Lies?

Trista is on the phone with her father, whom we'll remember from his previous appearances on this show by his Native-American name, "He Runs With Enormous Glasses." I would like to be the first to point out that, since this christening, those glasses have gotten A LOT smaller. Trista tells us that her dad is feeling "disconnected" from the wedding planning. In a confessional, HRWEG tells us that he's missing out on everything from invitations to flowers, all of which are things that "close families share during the wedding process." That is true. Close families do often have input into matters such as these. But that is because it is often those close families who PAY for the wedding, and said families can therefore chime in however and whenever they want on what the arrangements are or are not. But with Daddy Eisner signing the checks, HRWEG can fall in line and prance around in his wedding invitation tutu, for all I care. And if, the day before the ceremony, Trista and Ryan decide to get married in the Rehn's back yard and get the whole thing catered by White Castle, they'll be sure to let you know first, m'kay? Trista, magically, turns things right around on HRWEG, telling him that if he wants to know something, all he has to do is ask. "Yeah, we're busy," she reminds us all, but HRWEG can always call her or, even more personally, "shoot [them] an email" if he's that curious about what's going on. Trista tells us that, since the wedding is being planned by "someone else" -- NAME THE CORPORATE DEMIGODS WHO ENSLAVE YOU INSIDE A PINK PRISON OF YOUR OWN MAKING, TRISTA! NAAAAAAME THEM!!! -- her parents feel like their "thunder" (not to mention their enormous glasses) is being stolen.

Time to location-scout. Trista tells us that the place she's looking for is somewhere she (oops..."they") can have the ceremony outside, and then go inside and have a big party. Mindy, wearing a screaming red dress from her ironic "Death, I Mock You" label ("You should have seen the wedding between Death and, um, Mrs. Death, dah-link!") walks them around a poolside locale with an adjacent gazebo. Trista repeats again that being at a real location where the wedding "might" take place (don't kid yourselves...this is where it's going to be) makes this whole thing "more real." Inside a chandelier-ific ballroom, the three sit down, and Trista tells Mindy to try to make sure the families stay involved in the process: "In my family, we haven't planned a wedding. Neither has his." She adds that a phone call would suffice, continuing, "or even an email." Ouch. Or a smoke signal from base camp. Or Trista, Ryan, Mindy, and good friend Michael can stand outside the Rehn's St. Louis home spelling out "Help!" in semaphore flags. Well, it wouldn't be the first time it happened.