Bachelorette

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Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

The Lite-Rock Piano of Impending Doom takes us into the mansion, where DeAnna reflects on letting go of Graham. It was the right thing to do, she tells us, because Graham was a "Brad," which might be a record for how soon into a show she mentions that guy. Anyway, things are now apparently up in the air for DeAnna as far as who's going to get her heart, after she let Graham go due to his Brad-ness.

No more time for reflection, because we're off to the Grand Bahama island, where Jeremy's the first to get the chance to dip his toe in DeAnna's waters. She says she could see herself marrying him, and it doesn't hurt that he's beautiful.

They ride one of those swamp boat things where Jeremy explains that they took the boat to this deserted island where there's no one but the two of them, and it's really romantic. Tell me: did the FRIGGING CAMERA CREW make it more or less romantic? The two of them go jet-skiing; neither drowns.

So Jeremy decides things have to be all serious and he has to tell DeAnna what he's thinking, which actually makes him more awkward than normal, and in a voiceover, DeAnna wonders if he's pulling back now. They stroll down the beach arm in arm and we fade into a moonlit night.

The two of them get dressed up in yacht-casual for dinner, and they talk about how much fun they had. There's more awkwardness as Jeremy asks how she's doing. She asks if he's nervous, and he tries to act more suave while denying he's nervous. More stilted conversation, until he admits that today was the most nervous day he's had since he met her: "Here I've met someone that I'm so afraid to lose, and I don't have her. I don't want to lose her," he tells her, adding, "I would tell you that I'm falling in love with you...but that's already happened." "I'm glad that you told me," she says, which is, I imagine, exactly the response he's been dreaming of hearing from her, and he says he's glad she's glad. And they kiss.

Then she pulls out Pimpmaster Chris's envelope in which he invites the two of them to share the fantasy suite, and in a talking-head Jeremy talks about being ready to get down on one knee and propose. Are they going to the fantasy suite? Does the Pope shit in the woods?

They head over to the hotel and snuggle and kiss on the bed, while the romantic camera crew gets plenty of coverage, at least until Jeremy closes the door. He neglects to hang a sock on the doorknob, unfortunately.

Hopefully after having showered, DeAnna tells us Jason is next up, and today is going to be all about him. That's awfully big of her on the solo date. He comes running out to jump into her arms like a golden retriever might, and they hug, and he talks about how mentally he's been stuck in Seattle since their last kiss, and I have to admit he sounds awful genuine when he talks about how he's falling in love with her.

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Bachelorette

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