Bachelorette

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Where Do Broken Hearts Go?

Today they're going to go off-roading, so Jason gets behind the wheel of a Jeep to bounce around the trail until they go to another really romantic secluded spot with a camera crew for a little picnic. In a talking head, Jason says he thinks they are a couple today. Because they have excruciating conversations about trying different types of cheese? Huh.

In a talking head with her hair now up in a little Hilary Duff poof, DeAnna says Jason really cut loose today and was a lot of fun (instead of being Captain Bringdown always moaning about his kid, it appears). Next up on the "extreme" date is kayaking. Given that neither of them have ever done this before, lifejackets would appear to be a good idea, but they can't seem to get their kayak going any faster than the It's A Small World ride. Again: no one drowns.

DeAnna's dressed for her dinner with Jason in the green dress and Hilary Duff thing that she has in many of the talking heads. Things are slightly less awkward with Jason, as DeAnna tells him she likes the different side of him that she saw today. She asks if Ty likes the beach, and Jason says he does, and then: "If you want to talk about Ty, we can, but I'd rather talk about us." DeAnna's all giddy because Jason says she and Ty are the two most important things in his life, and DeAnna manages not to ask whether she's number one or number two.

The nuzzle and kiss, and then DeAnna slips him Pimpmaster's card, and he doesn't even finish reading it before he's all "HELLS YEAH" and throwing the card away.

So they go up to the fantasy suite and Jason is floored by it, and I'm kind of floored that we're supposed to accept as romantic that DeAnna's taking Jason to the same room where Jeremy curled her toes last night (I'm only going by what the show is implying). Maybe it's not the same room. I don't know. Finding out would require rewinding, and that's a little more than I'm prepared to sacrifice for this show. Jason talks about how he's fallen for her, and she seems to glow in the talking head as she talks about everything falling into place with him.

From sloppy seconds to sloppy thirds: it's Jesse's turn! "I need Jesse to be like my boyfriend today!" she tells us, and we watch Jesse jog down the beach to hug her. "I've fallen for DeAnna so hard," says Jesse in a talking head, which is scary for him because he could still be sent home, and he doesn't want those other two "knuckleheads" around.

They're going horseback riding on the beach, which impresses Jesse as being very romantic: "Like, how rad is that?" he asks. Totally rad, Jesse. Totally rad. They ride on the sand and in the surf and come upon a picnic that we're supposed to think DeAnna set up. Jesse blathers about how DeAnna could be a girl with a big rock on her finger, and she blathers about how awesome it was that they were friends first before getting serious or whatever, and in a talking head she says every time she's with him, she cares about him more.

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Bachelorette

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