Obviously, the only reasonable next step is to go see Ryan and lead him on a little. She knocks on his door and Ryan's heart pops out of his chest. He thinks she is there to give him a second chance, but she's really just there to make herself feel better. Ashley is spouting the word "clarity" like she just learned it on her page-a-day calendar, but Ryan is not listening. He is just thinking, "OHMYGODOHMYGODOHMYGOD SHE'S HERE!" So when Ashley tells him that saying goodbye to him was hard, he latches onto it and starts hyperventilating. Then she finishes by adding, "but it was totally the right decision." And Ryan P. goes to cry in the bushes some more. Or, he would if there were bushes. Stupid bushless Fiji. As Ryan takes some deep cleansing breathes, Ashley explains that she's really happy. She's found what she is looking for, with two guys! Ryan tears up some and sets himself up to be the next contestant on The Bachelor as he explains that his life is great, but he's just missing someone to share it with. He shakes his head sadly as he says again, "I just need someone to share it with." As he watches Ashley walk away (again) he mutters, "It's going to happen," over and over again like a mantra or a vision board in the making.
The next day, Ashley is so excited to meet J.P. in her field of dreams. She's wearing hoochie cut off shorts and a shirt that looks just like the rug in my cousin's kitchen. I didn't know Bed Bath & Beyond had branched out into clothing. She gives J.P. a giant hug and kiss and waits for the sea plane to land. As they fly, she does an admirable job pretending that she's never flown over Fiji before. She claims that they are enjoying the view without needing to talk, but that's only true because it's hard to talk with someone's tongue down your throat. J.P. talks about building memories with Ashley and how what they have is so "special" and that he sees the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with Ashley. Then they roll around in the sand, straddle each other in the water, make out, and make me almost yearn for John Boehner's teary-eyed orange face to once again interrupt my television viewing. J.P. claims this was the best day ever and the only thing that could make it better is if Ashley broke up with all the other men right then and there. Later, J.P. assures us that he is falling in love with Ashley, but he won't tell her, yet, because he doesn't want to look like an asshole when she picks Ben.













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