Season 7: Hometown Dates

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Pimp That Home

Up next? Ames. Sadly, Ames is not from Ames, Iowa, which would have been endearingly stupid, but rather from Chadds Ford, Pennsylvania. A village with an average income of $100,795. Points of interest include, Brandywine Battlefield Park, the Brandywine River Museum, the N. C. Wyeth House and Studio, and oh my god, white people everywhere. Ames and his white white teeth are waiting for Ashley to run across his lush green field, which is not a euphemism. The rolling hills of the Ames family homestead are verdant and... er, rich. Ames introduces Ashley to his sister, brother, their spouses and children, and his pink cardigan-clad mother. Do I need to mention that they are blonde? Or can you just assume that. Ames' big sister steps in to the traditional role of finding out Ashley's intentions, while his mother has the serious talk with him about who the hell is this girl and why is he dragging his respectable family onto reality television? Ames' sister and Ashley * almost * hit it off, but she doesn't believe that Ashley likes Ames as much as Ames like her. She is a smart cookie that one. She quickly surmises that Ashley likes Ames' pedigree, but isn't so sure about Ames the guy yet. Then she fills Ashley in on the fact that Ames' dad died and then his stepfather died, too, but you don't find him whining about or using it as an excuse, do you? Ashley nods understandingly, and then confesses that she expects a ring at the end of this process. The sister's eyebrows rise and rise.

Elsewhere, Ames tries to explain to his mom that he actually has some logical reasons for liking Ashley (smart, Ivy League, dance skills) but also just thinks she's hot. Ames mom can't really argue with that. She thinks she seems nice and that's enough for Ames. Then Ashley sits down with Ames' mom who reminds us that Ames and Ashley are "intelligent, serious, adults" who just happen to be on a reality television show. They will figure things out. Ashley tells his mom (which seems like a bad choice of audience) that their relationship "has been progressing slowly," as if anyone's MOM will thinks slow is bad. True enough, Ames' mom thinks that is just super. Ashley interviews that she desperately wants to feel passionately about Ames, because of his wallet and pedigree, but isn't sure yet. Then Ames and his sister have a heart-to-heart, because apparently the producers have been stumped by such a nice normal family that they have nothing planned other than a series of heartfelt conversations. As if THAT makes compelling television. After his sister advises him to hurry up and show his romantic side if he wants a rose, they lean in for a very awkward and forced hug. WASPs don't hug. FACT.

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