Season 7: The Final Rose

Episode Report Card
LuluBates: A | Grade It Now!
The Grand Finale

Anyway, Ashley's sister started it by asking if J.P. made Ashley laugh and then she sat back and watched the whole scene unfurl and it was... awkward. They were all laughing at the end, but when Ashley took a moment with her mom and her sister, Chrystie was convinced that J.P. was all wrong for Ashley. So Ashley... cried. DRINKKKKKKKK! Her mom and sister were, like, what the hell is wrong with you?! We're telling you our opinion and you're dating two guys simultaneously and we have to pick one of them. Stop crying you moron! I'm projecting a bit, but seriously Ashley, you asked them their opinion. Mom starts wavering a bit, but Chrystie holds fast. She saw how J.P. and Ashley interacted, how they were together, and she just didn't see it. Ashley is still sniveling and she tries to explain that she has been confused, but feels strongly, but is still torn. Chrystie is like, whatever, I'm pretty logical and based on what I saw you guys weren't right together. At that their mom steps in to try to mediate the conversation and sensibly points out that they can't make a reasonable assessment of a man and a relationship based on 15 minutes with a guy. Although I think if I spent 15 minutes locked in a close with Alexander Skarsgard, I could make a reasonable assessment... or at least try really really hard.

Anyway, Ashley runs crying to her brother who agrees that Chrystie is a total bitch and didn't give the guy a chance. Chrystie seems to realize that she should have actually TALKED to J.P. before trying to ruin his chances with Ashley decides to actually talk to J.P. First thing she says? Not hi or hello or lovely weather we're having, but: I told Ashley I don't think you guys are right together. J.P. -- who has probably watched enough seasons of the show to know that these family visits are usually total bullshit whitewashes with a nice pat on the back and a firm handshake -- is taken aback. Elsewhere on the island, Ashley is talking to her straight-talking stepdad who tells her to follow her heart and ignore her mean sister. Back on the hot seat, J.P. is taking a licking from Chrystie. She doesn't see it and no matter what he says to try and convince her that he and Ashley have a deep, meaningful, and surely lasting relationship, she won't buy it. In her words all she sees is a much older guy and wonders "What does he want with my much younger sister?" Which: HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAH. That may be the best thing ever said on this show. J.P. has gone from "taken aback" to "shocked and horrified." His mouth gawps a few times. What is the age difference between these two? I kinda thought they were the same age. Does that mean J.P. looks young for his age or that Ashley isn't the spry 49-year old I think she is?

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