Season 8, Episode 10

Episode Report Card
admin: F | Grade It Now!
The Glory of Love

Emily. "Jef." Arie. Chris Harrison and live studio audience of people who sadly don't appear to have any place more important to be. Let's do this. Home stretch, people. Home stretch.

Harrison strolls out -- he's single, ladies! -- and welcomes us all, to Los Angeles. He says everyone hopes Emily will find true love tonight. As usual, he mistakes "watching The Bachelorette" for "giving a shit about the Bachelorette," but he wouldn't be a good host if made fun of the show like everyone else does.

And then he references the shooting at the theatre in Colorado and urges everyone to do everything they can to help. Well, AFTER the next three hours, obviously. Ugh, good job reminding the audience about things that actually matter. Here's hoping everyone feels sufficiently guilty for wasting time on this show.

But enough about that! We're off to Willemsted, Curaçao. Emily claims to not know who her "guy" is, but she's got a nice little villa rented, and she has a Ricki reunion, like this kid has a passport that's fuller than mine is.

Also, her family has come out to Curaçao for moral support. She greets them at their estate, and says she thinks they'll be surprised to find out she's in love with two different guys. I'd say so, given that that's clearly bullshit.

So "Jef" shows up first, wearing a T-shirt and -- what are those, sweat pants? THANKS FOR DRESSING UP, "JEF." He hopes that her family will be warm and open to him when they see how much he loves Emily, or whatever.

So he meets the family and then sits down with mom Suzy for a chat -- you know, the chat where a family decides they can tell the content of a person's character just because he knows the right answer to easy questions like "Do you have any doubts?" and "Are you ready to be a father?" What would he possibly say? "Yeah, I'm not usually into chicks with kids, but Emily's got a great rack, so here I am"? Suzy tells us they seem like a good fit and he makes her happy. You know, just like Brad!

And now Emily's brother Ernie wants to talk to "Jef," and Ernie talks about how close he and Emily are, and how hard it was to see her go through the pain she went with Brad, like not even her own family can go FIVE DAMN MINUTES without bringing up Brad Womack. And then Ernie and "Jef" talk about love and pain and "Jef" says he's completely smitten by her. "She's the best thing that ever happened." Not just to him. But EVER. Ernie very tersely tells "Jef" he likes the cut of his jib, essentially.

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