Season 8, Episode 4

Episode Report Card
Daniel: A | Grade It Now!
Ego Tripping

And now Emily is leading Doug over to the traditional Bermudian "moongate" and robotically reciting everything she tried to memorize on the Wikipedia pages that were printed out for her about how it has to do with luck and love and happiness instead of something useful for this show like STD prevention and prenuptual agreements. So they have to hold hands and walk through it together and "make, like, a wish." Emily tells us she wished to not be single forever. Sorry, world peace!

Group date. "Let's set sail on the sea of love." Hmm. Probably has something to do with sailing? Charlie. Ryan. Chris. "Jef." Sean. Arie. Travis. Or "T-Money," if you prefer. And Kalon. One of the guys whose name I can't remember says that he could be on the two-on-one, which is a bummer, because then he could be eliminated, which, he might recall, can happen TO ANY GUY AT THE ROSE CEREMONY ANYWAY. Oh, his name pops up on the screen: "Nate." Are they sure? Has he been here the whole time? I call shenanigans.

Doug and Emily are sitting down for dinner in a wine cellar, which is as good a place as any to ride out the rain happening inside. Doug talks about how much he loved the postcard for his son, because he's not allowed to write his kid without Emily's involvement? Or is he just trying to be sweet for Emily's benefit? She's suspicious of how he always says the right thing, because you know who else did that? BRAD, that's who.

Doug confesses to not being perfect, which is big of him. Emily asks him what an ex-girlfriend would say, so he gives answers like "spend too much time with my son" and "didn't wash her car enough," kinda like when you're in a job interview and you're asked what your worst quality is and you give a bullshit answer like "I stay too late at work."

Emily's some kinda genius when she tells us that an ex-girlfriend has more complaints than you might be willing to share. "I don't want a perfect answer. I want an honest answer," she says. What the hell, Emily?

So he turns the tables on her and asks her what her faults are, and she says she's "sensitive" and she can be stubborn (speaking of bullshit answers. Who doesn't consider themselves stubborn about things they feel strongly about?). "That's not a fault," he says. "I don't work out," says Emily. Oh, and there are days she doesn't get out of her pajamas. "Sign me up," says Doug, instead of "Yeah, you don't have a real job, do you?" Then she admits that she stays in her pajamas and goes out and runs errands in public.

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