Season 8, Episode 5

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | Grade It Now!
Whalin' on Kalon

So he kisses her by the Thames, but not before awkwardly setting it up by talking about the times he didn't kiss her and how he regrets it, and he doesn't want another chance to go by, so if she's agreeable, how about some tonsil hockey? Jolly good.

Things that have "made it more real" tonight, according to bachelor insights: first, an audience for their Shakespeare-murder, and now Kalon's departure. We're at the cocktail party, and Emily comes in to bravely talk about the lack of respect she was shown this week. "Jef" tells us there's some tension and some of the guys are on edge.

That means it's interrogation time, and we're subjected to junior-high love problems. Emily asks Travis, "If somebody said something bad about your girl, what would you do?" He says, "You step up to the plate, you know?" So let's just fast-forward the inane conversations and the dwelling-on of "the Kalon Situation" as it shall henceforth be known. On the plus side: no Brad mentions tonight! Emily keeps talking about it and explaining that she doesn't want to talk about it anymore. Arie's left a little confused by their conversation, feeling as though she's mad at him for not beating up Kalon by the bleachers at recess.

Give Ryan credit: he's focused on having fun with Emily, and has gone to the trouble of printing off the Romeo and Juliet balcony speech and he recites it from below while she watches, entranced, from a balcony. In spite of herself, she's liking Ryan more and more.

Meanwhile, Sean's the next victim of Emily's whining about the group date, although he benefits from her assumption that it wouldn't have happened if he'd been there. By which she means if Sean had been on the group date, then Kalon wouldn't have made the comment the day earlier that Ricki is baggage, I guess. Does Emily herself have any idea what she's talking about? Because I don't think anyone else does.

Shocker! Despite the questions she had about ALL the guys coming into the rose ceremony tonight, her faith is renewed! Whew!

Time for the rose ceremony! Guys, you'll be glad to know that you are all gentlemen and you have restored her faith in you, and she hopes to walk away in love with one of y'all. But some of y'all have to go now.

The y'all who are staying: Doug, who wasn't angry at Kalon. Just disappointed. Ryan, who is remarkably not confused when he doesn't get the first rose each and every time. Chris. Rock, flag and EAGLE! John. Uh... good for him! Travis. That leaves just Arie and Alejandro, but there are two roses left, so -- oh, hold up. We're being informed now that this is the final rose. And it goes to Arie, because Alejandro was doomed the moment he demonstrated fancy book learnin'. He looks genuinely surprised. He hugs her goodbye and says it was good meeting her.

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