Season 8, Episode 6

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | Grade It Now!
12 Simple Rules for Dating An Adult Ryan

The next day, we get a nice "Everyone Hates Ryan" montage, with "Jef" telling us that the entire house is against him, and Chris pointing out that it takes Ryan three hours to get ready in the morning, which includes him shaving his legs and plucking his finger hairs. "It's weird," he says. Yeah, I'm with the Eagle.

Emily shows up to pick Ryan up on his date, and Ryan oozes some smooth talk about Emily being a pearl or some shit. It's egregious enough that as soon as they leave, the rest of the guys crack up, which is when I notice that half of them are wearing hoodies with the hoods up, but not all the way, just sort of hanging off the back half of their heads. Is that a thing now? Even Chris, who I guess really shouldn't be telling anyone that plucking finger hairs is weird.

So Emily and Ryan are going on a roadtrip date, which gives Ryan the chance to boast about what a safe driver he is, seriously, even while other drivers have to honk as they pass because Ryan is looking at Emily more than he is the road. Emily's not sure how she feels about Ryan. Given some of the bullshit that has come out of Ryan's mouth, that's more an indictment of her than it is of him, I hate to tell her. She says Ryan has told her he wants a trophy wife, which doesn't sit well with her. Well, that's because it's NOT A COMPLIMENT.

On the other hand, he's got a playful side. So he's a sexist pig, but it's fun to hang out with him! Anyway, they eat oysters fresh out of the water and wander around and get yelled at by an old man who's showing them old pictures of himself, whatever that's supposed to be about.

They sit down and chat and he says she'd make a great trophy wife. He, being an idiot, thinks it's a compliment because a trophy is good, right? "Trophies don't talk back," points out Emily. Well, Emily, you don't as much as you should. Emily tells us she keeps going back on forth on Ryan, and I can't help but think zero people watching have any sympathy for her, given she's the one who keeps letting the troglodyte stay.

He cluelessly tells us that she's going to make someone a pretty great trophy wife.

They go for dinner, where she tells him she saw a lot of sides to him today that she really liked. And speaking of not talking back, she doesn't say anything about the sides she doesn't like.

He appears to not shut up at ALL, and eventually brings out a paper on which he's written down twelve qualities he thinks his wife should have. I hope I got them all. It was difficult to keep track, because some were adjectives and some were descriptive phrases.

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