Bachelorette
Season 8, Episode 7

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Where The Streets Have No Shame

So The Bachelorette is defiling Prague tonight, so we're forced to endure this allegedly grown woman burble on about how she feels like she's "back in the olden days."

She thinks she's got the best group of guys ever. Like not just on the show, but ever? She's talking about the hometown dates, because that's next week, but first the schlubs she's dating have to slouch around Prague first. They meet up with Harrison, who tells them that this is "by far the biggest week" because of the hometown dates next week.

There are four dates this week: three one-on-ones, and a group date. But the one-on-ones don't have a rose in the balance, because ... well, let's just make it up as we go along, right?

"I'm definitely falling for Emily," says "Jef," but I'm sure each one of the six remaining dingbats said it. The first date card arrives, and it's for Arie. "Let's Czech out Prague together," it says. Hey, I think their date will have something to do with Prague, you guys! Everyone in the hotel is wearing a hoodie, but only "Jef" has the hood hanging off his head. I haven't figured out proper indoor hood etiquette yet.

Arie shaves with an electric razor and says some blah-blah about whatever, and then he puts on a dark blue jacket with elbow patches that may be made out of duct tape. Emily picks him up and says she wants to walk around and pretend she's strolling around Prague with her husband. She is wearing shorts that I think a stripper would wear for track meets for the Las Vegas Stripper Athletic Association.

So Arie I guess has some secret, and has this been brought up before tonight? I honestly can't remember. It doesn't matter. As usual, the stupid dates in a foreign city revolve around some sort of tradition involving love, in this case rubbing some sort of artwork for love and loyalty and Emily calls it ironic that Arie is rubbing this "loyalty dog" or whatever the goddamn hell, since he has a secret. Meanwhile, the date is being filmed with someone's iPhone camera.

When we come back from commercial, we're back in Los Angeles at the Bachelor mansion, and Chris Harrison strolls out into the courtyard to tell us about something that we may have heard "or even read about." Unspoken is the sad truth that if you have bothered to read about what's to come, you might want to reexamine your life's priorities.

The upshot is "Arie's past romantic relationship" with Bachelor producer Cassie Lambert. This was several years ago, and Emily had no idea when production started, and Cassie told Emily herself. We watch a strange interview with Cassie off-camera asking Emily questions about it, and Emily's put out by Arie's not having mentioned it, with Cassie saying they don't even really know each other any more, having only seen each other twice in the past ten years. It's hardly worth the effort to type, let alone the way this is being treated like a scandal.

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Bachelorette

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