Season 8, Episode 7

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | Grade It Now!
Where The Streets Have No Shame

Emily's unsettled and all over the place in terms of what she thinks should have happened. At first she seems to be saying she should have been told on the first day that Arie and Cassie had dated, then she seems to just want to have been told that Arie and Cassie knew each other. Cassie, who is apparently engaged to someone else, diplomatically manages not to tell Emily to quit acting like a possessive psycho about the whole thing.

After ten minutes of Emily explaining how much she doesn't care, and making nonsensical statements like, "It's not even a production thing, this is real life" -- kinda uncomfortably drawing the curtain back on the show a little bit and indicating just how not real-life the show actually is, and how much Emily knows it -- she's finally done whining about how much she doesn't care about knowing that Arie briefly dated this woman ten years ago.

Then we have to witness Emily asking him painfully leading questions about whether he has shared everything with her, and whether he's trustworthy. "I like having no secrets," she says. "It's better to be upfront and honest," agrees Arie. He asks what else is important to her, and she can't even move on but says, "Being open about everything" is just as important to her as having no secrets.

Finally, his big reveal: he once had a tattoo of a woman's name. Emily thinks she's getting somewhere, but it turns out to be someone else who may not even be producing this show.

"It kinda makes me feel a little bit insecure. Why was he not telling me? And that scares me, considering hometowns are next week," says Emily, because she is insane.

Jesus, we're back in Los Angeles again, with Chris Harrison recapping for us WHAT WE JUST SAW.

And apparently Cassie, Emily and Arie all talked about it, but it happened off camera, so Harrison sums it up for us: Arie said it was so brief and so long ago he didn't think it mattered. In a surprise move, Emily's spine completely shrank (not that this was anything worth getting upset about) and agreed, and decided it didn't affect the relationship. PROBABLY BECAUSE IT DOESN'T.

And so we watched the lead-in to the conversation, and the aftermath of the conversation, but not the actual conversation. Strictly amateur hour, Bachelorette. And now Arie and Emily are at dinner and talking about what a great day it has been and how great it is to "talk about stuff" and they are making out and just when you think this show can't get any dumber, it surprises you.

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