Season 8, Episode 7

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | Grade It Now!
Where The Streets Have No Shame

Emily tells us she feels she's worked hard to get "Jef" to notice her. Uh, Emily, you're literally the only woman he's allowed to date right now. Red flag!

They walk into an incredible library, stuffed with books too many to count, but not enough to record every time "Jef" says "like" or Emily says "I know, right?" Emily figures, what better place to put on a marionette show detailing the highlights of their relationship! What better place than a library? How about EVERY PLACE. Also, maybe save the marionette reenactment for after the overnight dates.

The next few minutes may be the most insipid thing we've seen on The Bachelorette in some time. Two adults using puppets to put on a drama in which they both speak like 13-year-olds (which I suppose is accurate for them). And then they kiss.

And now they've plunked their disrespectful asses down on the floor to kiss some more and talk about the "hometowns" and I love that "hometown dates" is too much for Emily to say. "Jef" explains that his parents won't be home in South Carolina because they're "committed to some stuff" and I would REALLY like to know what the deal is. She asks him if he introduces lots of girls to his family. No. You did say "girls," right? So, no. He talks about breaking up with a girl because his family didn't like her. So no pressure, Emily!

Back at the house, the other guys look as tired of Chris's self-doubt as I am. At the library, Emily and "Jef" are lying on the floor, looking at the ceiling. Emily tells "Jef" that there aren't that many people she can "lay" on the floor with, and still be really happy. WHAT DOES THAT MEAN? "Jef" floats the possibility of living together first, and Emily babbles an answer that living together before means it's easier to get out. "Jef" hastily pretends to agree with her. Then he asks how soon after they get married she'd want to have kids. "Yesterday," she says, and he says, "Me too!" It's amazing how he wants all the same things.

Now they are making out and I believe "Jef" says "I want to date you so hard and marry the fuck out of you," and she giggles. It's too bad An Idiot Abroad is already taken, because I have a suggestion for a new name for the show.

Cocktail party! Chris has now decided that being an asshole at the end of the group date wasn't the smartest move. He's going to try to talk to her.

But he's going to have to wait until after Emily sits down for some time-wasting with Chris Harrison. She doesn't appear to want to have a cocktail party at all.

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