Bachelorette
Season 8, The Men Tell All

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Confidence Men

Kalon acknowledges his "Ricki is baggage" comment, and says after a few weeks you're feeling frustrated and not really yourself. And some guys whose names I can't remember and Stevie, who lists his occupation as "Party MC," let's not forget, give him the gears, and now Travis, who made Emily sing "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" to an ostrich egg, is high-fiving someone else. And Kalon says he is friends with Tony and Chris, and Tony is apparently someone who was on this show at one point, and he doesn't appear super-thrilled to be outed as a Friend Of Kalon.

And now Kalon is called forward to the "hot seat" but it's OK because Harrison calls him "man" which means Harrison's looking out for him. We watch a montage of Kalon's greatest hits. The Party MC complains that Kalon sounds like he's "writing sonnets" whenever he speaks. And John says he doesn't see Kalon missing a facial to pick Ricki up from soccer practice. In fairness to his many, many, many, many detractors, there are plenty of examples of Kalon saying assholish things.

Harrison asks Kalon why he came on the show. It turns out that when the men signed up, they didn't know it was Emily, but by the time things got underway, they knew who she was and knew she has a daughter. Kalon said by that point he was committed, and it would have said less about his character if he'd pulled out just because Emily has a kid, plus at the time he didn't know it was as big an issue for him as it was.

And while he's talking about his sense of humor, which I guess accounts for the dingbat things he said, this guy Joe can't take it anymore and interrupts to yell that Kalon was here for the glitz and the glamour. Tony also says he thought Kalon was there more for the cameras than for Emily. Kalon wins himself no friends when he says he doesn't think his "I love to hear you talk, but not until I'm finished" comment was THAT bad, and says the baggage thing is essentially him not sugarcoating things. Doug and Sean give him shit for it, Sean especially upping his getting-laid-by-audience-member probability another twenty-five percent.

And now it's time for Ryan to enjoy some time in the hot seat, and we're transported via montage to a time when he was clean-shaven and he hadn't yet warned Emily not to be a slut (essentially) or to not get fat. "Many do think you're that arrogant ass," Harrison tells Ryan after the long montage ends, and Ryan pontificates on his confidence and the context in which he said some of those things. Harrison asks him about the line between confidence and arrogance, which really just gives Ryan license to yammer on some more about confidence, and we see several shots of Chris shaking his head. Harrison asks him about it, and Chris bumbles and stammers so much that Ryan starts talking too, and Chris starts whining about Ryan interrupting him, even though he's not SAYING anything. Chris finally asks him what his feelings for Emily were, and Ryan mentions his journal and says he was there to find his wife and he was hoping it was Emily, and now there is some back-and-forth with John that I don't think is important, and Harrison asks if maybe Ryan is actually just an arrogant ass, which Ryan unsurprisingly disagrees with. Discussion arises about Ryan talking about being The Bachelor: Augusta and Harrison assures everyone that that is NOT happening, and now we are talking about his "I'd love you but I wouldn't love ON you as much" and now Harrison is trying to get to commercial but Ryan wants to talk about his "trophy wife" comments and Harrison is like, "God, shut UP, Ryan, we only have two hours here."

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