Season 9, Episode 3

Episode Report Card
admin: F | 2 USERS: A+
I'm Sure They'd Think Again if They Had a Friend Like Ben

Chris Harrison greets the surviving hostages to tell them what the dates are this week, and I am once again disappointed that the plans don't include a steel-cage death match. Ben talks about how there's definitely a target on his back, but he doesn't care. Probably because the worst these guys can do is steal his hair gel.

Group date card: It's for Chris, Brian, Drew, Michael, Brooks, Brad, "some stud named Mikey" (guess who's reading the card), Brandon, Zack K., and Ben. "Love is a battlefield," reads the card. Michael complains that there are nine great guys going on this date, and Ben's coming along too. Uh, Michael, Desiree will also be there, but by all means, talk some more about the great guys you're going on a date with tonight.

So they take a horrifying SUV limo and appear to have been told to dress for an athletic competition, although nothing really excuses the bright orange headband Brandon is wearing.

They are greeted by Desiree and meet in a gym a crew of men dressed in matching shirts and shorts with a logo for something called the National Dodgeball League and of course that's a thing that exists, and the men start whooping and hollering and high-fiving each other for some reason, while the professional (?) dodgeballers glare and do their best to look intimidating, which is hard because this is dodgeball we're talking about. Maybe they're mad because they have to share gym time with the National Monkeybars League and the National Tag League? Chris tells us they were all excited: "We have no idea what we're getting into," he says. Really? I think at this point, you know exactly what you're getting into.

So this National Dodgeball League actually has a commissioner who talks about how this is dodgeball on a whole different level or whatever and we watch someone throw a ball really hard at a wall and Michael says it's like a scene "from The A-Team," BECAUSE OF ALL THE FUCKING DODGEBALL ON THE A-TEAM, I GUESS. I then we have to listen to Desiree talk about how she likes to want to watch men in their "natural state," because men like to compete and women like to be princesses (she didn't say the second part, she just thought it).

It's actually not bad, watching the bachelor idiots getting pelted with dodgeballs, and then Harrison shows up to announce that the men are going to be split up into teams and fight for Desiree's maidenhood or something. It's the usual deal: The winning team gets to continue the date, the losers don't. The teams are: One Bunch of Idiots versus The Rest of the Idiots.

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