Season 9: The Men Tell All

Episode Report Card
Daniel: F | 80 USERS: B-
Désolé, Desiree

Harrison asks him why he came on the show. Juan Pablo was looking for a "good girl" who likes his daughter more than him. Harrison says there has to be more to him than that. Has there? I'm not sure about that. We spend a good amount of time on his daughter picking up Desiree's terrible pronunciation of his name. He wants to settle down and have "two more" kids as well as breakfast with a woman, it sounds like.

Zak's turn in the hot seat! "What went wrong" with their relationship? Well, classic story: the woman liked her three other boyfriends more than she liked Zak. He at least acknowledges that he came off as a bit of a buffoon at first, which is why he gave her a journal with a message written in invisible ink. Because, you know, SO DEEP. Zak makes his hangdog face in the studio as the montage comes to its allegedly heartbreaking close. "I think, knowing me, I always come on a littler strong. I'm bold. I take some risks," he said. It sounds a little like he's going for the ol' "she couldn't deal with how real I was" justification, but says he's 31 and his friends are getting married and he's starting to be a little concerned about it.

Harrison's got the journal there, where he wrote a poem in invisible ink. He doesn't know if Desiree has even read it, so Harrison, using a special light does that. Actually, it turns out to be less of a "poem" and more "wandering banal thoughts on what love is." It starts with "Love is it. The only reason to open your home to a stranger," and yet somehow manages to get even worse than that. I do think that when he signed it, he appended the W. of his last name. Because nothing says "fairy-tale romance" like having to add your initial so the love of your life KNOWS WHICH ZAK/ZACH SHE IS DATING GAVE HER THE HEARTFELT GIFT. Harrison asks if he's still in love with Desiree, and Zak says he is, and it won't go away, which is great news for anyone who dates Zak in the future.

After a break, Desiree comes out, getting the requisite standing ovation from a bunch of dudes she dumped who could probably stand to have a little more backbone than that, especially as the discussion opens with how hard it is for Desiree to break up with people.

Harrison asks about Jonathan: "A disgrace to all men," she says, and Jonathan says he's sorry: Sorry for making her uncomfortable, for acting like an idiot, and starting her journey off on the wrong foot. It sounds genuine, and she seems to sincerely accept it.

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