"Now obviously," Chris vamps quickly, thinking it can pass without comment, "we are missing one of our bachelors tonight. Greg T. wasn't able to attend, and we wish him the best." And you've got to give him credit for realizing how dumb it is to gloss over this when there's been so much press on it (if you believe that the words "the press" and "Page Six" are, in fact, synonymous, as I do), but Chris can't even choke that sentence out without a knowing sneer. For those of you who don't know, Greg was on his way to Los Angeles to tape this very reunion show, and he was busted at JFK with a controlled substance known to drug enthusiasts and fans of '80s cultural artifacts as "cocaine." In an airport. In New York. In 2003. With cocaine. Some people just deserve to be in jail. But he saved himself in a way, because he made it plainly obvious that he's not mentally competent enough to be put to death for the crime. What he did deserves a few knowing sneers. So seriously? Go, Chris.

Now sitting in a chair in the center of the stage, Chris offers, "Fellas, it's good to see you again." Chris has already spoken more cumulative words in this episode than he has for the whole of the season up until now. Alex McLeod must be fuming that she doesn't get to save face like this. Who's that, you may ask? Well, exactly. Chris exposits, "You know, we've never done The Bachelorette before, so we really didn't know what it was going to be like in that first Rose Ceremony, when the tables were turned." Seriously, I'm going to track down the next person who uses that exhausted expression and personally sever his or her "connection." There are no tables. Sell the tables. Write some new copy. Shut up. "What was it like for you guys?" Bob hazards that it was "crazy." Brook hazards in agreement that is was "crazy." Russ hops to the challenge of making sure no one in either the room or in America will ever like him again, hogging the spotlight with the observation, "Those Rose Ceremonies, you have no control. You feel like you're a piece of meat up there." The crowd goes wild because of the red neon sign that just dropped down just away from the camera's gaze, reading, "Go wild!" Russ smiles wickedly. It's not for you, Russ. It's for turning tables. And, maybe, the meatpacking industry? Difficult to know for sure.