Chris ignores Jamie: "You were, as we saw, the first guy to kiss Trista, in Vegas. Did you know that at the time?" Russ says he figured it out because it was the first group date, but that "each of us had alone time with her that night." Brook combatively butts in, really mad, claiming, "You took all of it." He then spontaneously laughs maniacally when Russ looks him in the eye, Satan's power surging through him. Oh, that laugh is creepy. I hope he doesn't do something really weird like start dancing like a marionette puppet or something. He's too happy about his sadness right now. Brook is freaking me out. But Josh, wearing une belle chapeau, agrees, "We were all hanging out at the club, having a good time. And then basically y'all took off." Russ defends himself that he was following Trista to the room, employing the logic, "If I was [sic] so aggressive, she wouldn't have brought me to the room." Okay. Prick up your pointy devil ears, Mephis-STOP-IT-eles, because I only have it in me to say this one more time: She. Took. You. Back. To. Her. Room. Because. She. Was. Wasted. Booze talks, she walks. The proof is in the proof. I'm running out of ways to say it.
Chris pulls an I'd-like-to- bring-the-house- down-a-little-now routine with his next question, transitioning into a much darker place: "I know you've taken a lot of grief publicly," to which Russ offers a plaintive "More than you know." And I feel bad for him for exactly one second, arguing with some small part of me that Russ's only crime was appearing on television and that he's been made into a national pariah and that's not right. I have a friend whose insecure behavior with women reminds me a lot of Russ's treatment of Trista (and his subsequently revisionist ways), and at worst he's misguided but he's certainly not evil. But seriously? Screw it. It's a reality television show. I don't have time for complex emotional layering. So, for the purposes of this season, Russ sucks, okay? Chris continues: "One national talk-show host called you a stalker and said Trista should get a restraining order against you." Yeah, that's some hard-hitting investigative prowess, Joy Behar. Why am I so convinced that it was she who said that? Anyone got a line on that? ["Caroline Rhea would be my guess, except I don't think being on a show that airs at 3:20 AM in fourteen markets across the country qualifies one as 'a national talk-show host.'" -- Wing Chun] Russ rationalizes that these attacks are not attacks on Russ, but rather judgments on "the character that I am on the show." Chris is at the ready: "But wait. You played yourself on the show." And the crowd? Goes wild. But we knew what Russ meant. Though I think I'd give a lot more credence to the whole "I was edited to be the villain" defense if the rest of the guys -- who lived with him even when the cameras went elsewhere -- didn't seem to think he totally sucks. Because they all kind of seem to think that. Russ cops to having had feelings for Trista, though again he words it badly: "I stayed around long enough to experience more than what some of these guys did." Boo! Hiss! Next season, they should just have the bad guy played by a puppet wearing a handlebar moustache who they can throw rotten fruit at. And his name should be named Arc E. Type. We've seen this a million times. It's not 1999 anymore.