Bachelorette
The Men Tell All

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"I thought you handled the double standard very well," Chris un-segues to Trista. And honestly, right now, I don't know what he's talking about, really. Is it the "if a man gets a lot of women he's a stud, if a woman gets a lot of me she's a whore" hoary old matrix again? Chris continues, "I did hear an interview on the radio. A guy calls in and says, 'I have three daughters. What do I tell my daughters?'" Well, you can start by telling them that you didn't buy the VHS set of this season of The Bachelorette at Zainy Brainy or at the gift shop of the Children's Museum. You can tell them that network dating shows are not intended to be consumed for their educational value, despite the egregious lack of warning screens at the beginning and end of every episode. You can tell them to do their homework, read a book, kiss all the boys they want, and for the love of god NEVER to base their own actions on the lives of people on television. That way lies madness, Dad. In that future, they'll always be getting engaged just because the show has come to an end, they'll always buy the most genuine faux pearl ring in the display case, and they'll always be out of sugar because that danged Mrs. Poole comes and borrows a cup of it right at the fifteen-minute mark of every single freakin' episode. These are people on television. And they're not going to teach us a goddamn thing. Dad.

Trista sees it differently: "I hate the stupid double-standard stuff, because I think people need to be compared not on a gender basis...but as individuals." That is a far more idealistic way of putting it, I must say. It's also, admittedly, a pretty egalitarian way to admit, "Y'know, I'd kiss girls if I could!" And speaking of kissing, Trista makes the point that "Alex kissed seven girls, Aaron kissed twelve girls." Blah blah blah who's counting. Anyway, Trista kissed four. ["Boys, of course. Not girls." -- Wing Chun] Chris asks if she's in love, and she kind of sheepishly admits, "I am." A blonde with a flippy haircut stands and asks Trista if she's "every had the Big O." What year is this? Did we not just see a grown man peeing on his bed? What's with the sheepishness, suddenly? Is it because secretly no one on the production staff of this show really understands the female, er, "Big O," and so they have to keep it quiet and pretend it doesn't exist? Well then, if I may, I hope you won't mind if I spray this place in destigmatizer before I go: orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm. Orgasm.

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Bachelorette

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