Bachelorette

Episode Report Card
Daniel: D | 1340 USERS: C+
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I'm Here for the Right Reasons -- Booze

There are still thirteen guys left in the house, which is thirteen too many. I mean, the bunkhouse should be vacated and then bulldozed, kind of the way they do to houses after it's discovered that a serial killer lived there, you know? Give a boost to the healing process.

But it's not going to happen this week. Chris Harrison visits the house to let the douchebags know that there are three dates: group date, one on one, and two on one date. "This could be kinda rough," says Harrison, explaining that of the two guys on the two-on-one, only one will be coming home. Oh, and there's a problem with the dates: Jillian's left town. That's a problem? Oh, she's just gone to Vancouver, which is where the guys are going to go. All the guys act really excited to go to Canada, which one guy spells C-A-N-A-A-D-A, so let's hope whoever that was gets shot and killed by border agents.

Kiptyn says he's excited to go to Vancouver and "get this party started." Dave says he hopes to get a one on one date, which is probably where he can best showcase his beady, bloodshot eyes, in case Jillian digs that kind of thing. Ed figures they all have to step up their game.

And I have to say, the guys could be doing worse than visiting Vancouver, which is one of the most beautiful cities in Canada (discounting the city's shame of the Downtown Eastside, just a cesspit of drugs and crime and failed social policy), although I have to wonder about how Jillian's actual hometown of Peace River, Alta., feels about Jillian completely disowning the province of Alberta, especially since Alberta newspapers love playing up Jillian as "our" bachelorette, which isn't exactly the greatest thing to be bragging about, like a "Canada's first swine flu death happened in this province!" kind of thing. It may be true, but that doesn't mean it's not sad.

Jillian's excited to show the guys what Vancouver's all about, which I imagine will be what everything else on this show is "all about," i.e. acting like morons. Jillian welcomes the guys to a Fairmont hotel which is a longstanding luxury hotel chain, like going back pre-Confederation days, and one of the guys makes a joke about being surprised that there's a bathroom inside the place. Which is either a funny joke about pretending to think Canadians are pretty backwards, or has to do with how much nicer the Fairmont is than the outdoor shower at the bunkhouse. Jillian toasts the guys being on their home turf.

Hey, Robby, thanks for sharing that guys are getting more nervous, since because there are fewer guys, the competition's tougher. We never would have guessed. Juan says he wants a one-on-one date so he can come out of his skin and show Jillian what he's all about, or something.

Bachelorette

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