So as if curling isn't boring enough to watch when it's played by people who actually know what they're doing, we have to watch like three hours of these nimrods trying to hit just ONE shot. God, this is painful. Michael tells us, while we watch him molest Jillian, how hot she looked today in spandex and a sweatshirt. "All I wanted to do was pick her up and hug her and get a hot chocolate with her somewhere and NOT CURL," he says. Jesse tells us it "became real" when Jillian told us the game was for a date, like every episode features somebody saying that things all of a sudden got real. And then Jesse is like the ONE guy who is able to put a rock near the button, when usually curling is a mess of angles and caroms, and Michael is jealous of Jesse being more athletic than him, and proclaiming Jesse's shot an "Olympic-level" shot, because he would know.

Michael's got one last shot to knock Jesse's stone out of there, but since we've already heard his defeated, hangdog interview, we already know he missed, so I'm not sure what was up with the slow-motion curling action shots they show us. Jillian has a trophy for the red team, and Reid thinks that Jillian would have rather been with the blue team because they are all "good guys." Well, the red team does have Dave on it.

Then I think some of my recording was cut because of a thunderstorm warning on WXYZ, like THANK YOU MOTHER NATURE, and the next thing we know Jake and Jillian are on the bridge of a boat, and Jake is telling us that she's got all the qualities he's looking for in his wife, and he calls himself a nice guy and says he thinks he's a catch. Then the two of them are talking about the date they had in which she inflicted Martina McBride on him, which he loved because he's so country. Jillian says, "My first impression of you is that you are so perfect. Everything that comes out of your mouth is perfect," she says, which he says a bunch of ex-girlfriends have told him before, and I can't think of a better way to disprove "everything that comes out of your mouth is perfect" than bringing up the fact that you have a "a bunch" of former girlfriends, and he tells her that he's far from perfect, and has a lot of flaws, and then she tells him it's OK to not be perfect, because he's funny and good-looking and has a good heart or whatever. And then he tells us that he heard something he didn't want to hear tonight, which is that he's too perfect, which he's heard before, and I start to gag at the poor guy burdened with everyone thinking how awesome he is. "I hope I'm just not too perfect that I get eliminated," he says. His mind is a little on overload he says, and I don't think The Bachelorette has ever caused someone's mind to be on overload before.