So the grim death march that is The Bachelorette continues. Here's hoping no one needs to make the totally selfish decision to STAY EMPLOYED versus staying on this farce of a show.

And this show is still defiling the natural beauty of the Canadian Rockies. I presume this has something to do with the United States finally declaring The Bachelor/The Bachelorette cultural crimes against humanity, so now the show isn't legally allowed to film on U.S soil. Oh, no, wait, scratch that, because Chris Harrison is explaining that there is going to be one group date and two individual dates this week, and the five guys who get roses this week are going to have hometown dates. And this week the gang is getting a train and riding all the way to hell, or just across Alberta, and Michael, speaking about himself in the third person, says the best-case scenario is that he gets Jillian alone in a car and some "smoochy-smooch ensues, you know what I'm saying?" No, you're far too vague. I have no idea what you're saying. Tanner credits this show for getting him to do two things that he never would have done otherwise, which are a) go to Canada and b) get on a train, like SET SOME GOALS, Tanner.

So everyone files onto the train, and hopefully this is all a ruse and they're actually being deported. Jillian says that Ed leaving made her "realize how important this is," because someone has to be reminded every episode of how important this is, except the weird thing is they're always wrong since the answer to "how important this is?" is "less important than the pebbles between the treads in your shoes." Everyone oohs and ahhs on the train, and Michael somehow things it's "every kid's best dream" to be on The Bachelorette on a train.

Canada Tourism must be excited at the ensuing footage of the Fraser River, and I think it's dingbat Wes who says, "Is this a lake or an ocean?" And then Jillian is still whining about Ed. And she actually says she doesn't know if she'll miss Ed forever (I know! The answer is "you won't!") and she wants someone less serious, to cheer her up. Reid tells us that it's crucial he gets a one-on-one date, because of the hometown thing. Just once, I'd like footage of a guy saying, "You know what? If I don't get a one-on-one date this week, no biggie." As it turns out, Robby gets the one-on-one date, and he says he hasn't been this nervous in a long time.

So Hell Train is still rolling along the Rockies. Jillian says she's just going to have a chance to sit and chat with Robby. Well, it's not like they can do a whole lot on a train. Robby says this is a big-deal rose because it's not just about keeping someone on, but about wanting to meet his family. Robby says his attitude is "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can" get that rose, and it's good that he's looking to children's books for guiding philosophies.