Bachelorette
Trista & Ryan's Wedding, Part 2

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Djb: B- | Grade It Now!
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Lamb, Meet Slaughter

Because she's so attuned to the needs of her guests and her family (or because a helpful producer pointed the way to the next intriguing subplot), Trista takes notice and approaches HRWES, asking if her sister is okay. HRWES shoots back that Jackie feels a little out of the whole celebration, and confessionalizes to us, "On the one hand, I can tell that Jackie is feeling emotional and I'm saddened to see that. On the other hand, I'm immensely elated that Trista is as happy as she is." On the one hand, awwwww. And, on the other hand, ouch.

But a father's work is never done, even when it's merely the emotional stability of his second favorite child at stake. He takes his distraught daughter aside, and they walk toward Sad Beach (the opposite direction he walked with Trista just a few choppy moments ago), where he puts his arm around her and asks what's wrong. Jackie doesn't like being "so young" and "not knowing anything." He tells her that "those people" would be totally willing to talk to her. Dude, they've been drinking since they stepped off the plane in New York. That Pete dude would probably talk to a shoe if it had an interesting enough pickup line (I imagine "I'm a shoe!" would even qualify). Jackie wails that she doesn't want them to be forced to talk to her, and HRWES tells her to strike up a conversation and, well, see what happens! And, in her defense, I know many people who have felt exactly this way before. And, on the other hand, once they turned twelve, these feelings usually started to recede somewhat.

Over by a small footbridge, Ryan, Trista, and just one camera crew, a supervising producer, and that guy who stands around and holds that big-ass light all share a wonderfully private moment between the lovebirds, as Trista and Ryan kiss and say "I love you" a lot of times. She baby-voices, "I'm so excited my friends are here," and Ryan furthers the discourse of human nature with a stultifying "I know. It's fun." Ryan doesn't think it's fun.

"I think this is a huge fairy tale for Trista and Ryan," says Katie, a college friend of Trista's who cleverly remembered that they're actually going to SEE this on TELEVISION one day. "I think that there are so many skeptics as far as whether you can meet the right person on TV," but she thinks Trista and Ryan are "the real deal." Similarly, Chris, Ryan's brother -- who is not currently romancing Trista's sister, causing a distinct lack of symmetry and I'll bet you ten dollars is one of the reasons Jackie's so upset -- shares with us that any reservations he might have had got conveniently washed away in a tide of free first-class flights and booze. He can tell it's "real," he tells us, when Trista and Ryan are "eating breakfast" in their sweatpants and there are no cameras around. Trista, meanwhile, is all, "Oh, there's a 'no cameras' now?"

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