Bachelorette
You're All I Overthink About

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The Biorhythm Method

Dinner. Russ and Trista patronize the finest eatery in Sedona and Russ patronizes his soon-to-be-ex-fake-girlfriend right from the toast, "Here's to you taking down your wall and me telling you why I'm one of the last three guys here." Complicit in this charade for now, Trista clinks his glass rather than smashing it against the table and brandishing the shards of the stem as a murder weapon, as I might have done if anyone dared to use information gleaned from a "What color is your aura?" Cosmo quiz against me, as he seems to be doing to her now. Still, she's not the most pleased: "Let's hear it." Russ blabbers on about their "connection," but notes an "issue" in the fact that she hasn't "opened up fully," and Trista correctly notes, "You're just listening to what the reading was about today." Fight FIGHT! Trista defends herself that she is "open to developing a relationship with anyone," and that she would not be on the show if that weren't the case. She all but mocks Dora Of The Aura's inherent quackitude, noting, "We were told that my walls were up and all these things," adding, "Were my walls up when I kissed you? No." Well, granted, but I think there's a physiological equation that doesn't allow for someone to have her walls up and her drunk on at the exact same time. Russ says that they didn't even touch each other all day today, and Trista pretends that this relationship isn't taking place entirely on Planet Sham, defending herself, "Yeah, but it's our third date." Russ flounders, "But it could be our last date." Could be. Trista brings up Vegas again, reminding him that she's not a fan of aggression, and he interrupts her, like, nine times in her attempt to, I think, communicate that, as she goes about her life's activities, "I won't be pulled away because that's what you want, when you want it, and you want at that moment." Trista takes a moment to fix her hair in her reflection on Russ's shiny, shiny forehead, pretending to listen as she yields the rest of her time to the senator from RoseFree Park. He tells her, "If you honestly think that and think that that's a possibility, we should honestly call this a night right now." Trista starts, "If you're upset..." totally using that circular if-you-don't-know- why-I'm-mad- well-then- that's-why-I'm-mad voodoo logic on him, but Russ is cool: "I'm not upset at all! I'm not upset at all!" Which is why he's still sitting, unsweatily, making absolute sense, not looking like he's going to leap off his chair and burst through the wall of the restaurant, leaving an exact, Bugs-Bunny-esque print of himself where he broke through. Except, the opposite of all that.

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Bachelorette

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