Bands on the Run
Alex Richmond meets SOULCRACKER

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: B- | Grade It Now!
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Another Philadelphia Story: SOULCRACKER

En route to T-Mom's, the band guys quickly scoured a City Paper and saw that some band they dug was playing Abeline's, a Southwestern-"styled" "restaurant" that first became known for having many kinds of exotic meats available. You know -- ostrich, lizard, platypus. Bands play there too, exotic or not. I had never set foot inside the place. We march past Abeline's, get to Tattooed Mom's, commandeer a table, place our drink orders, and then Apey gets restless and wants to go hear the bands. Plus, I think the band guys that played with SOULESS may have been underage and not made it past the T-Mom's bouncers. So we went back to Abeline's. Sigh.

One three-dollar cover later, which Ramsey kindly paid for Julie and me, I was holding a five-dollar pint of Guinness and watching a very weak ersatz Creed-type band thing. There are so many bad bands in the world. So, instead of describing the atmosphere or the music or the people in the bar, I'll take you through each member of -- LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, SSSSOULCRACKER!

Bob: a.k.a. "Sars's future husband," the drummer. Bob was wearing some kind of left-coast, Shannon Moon-ish rope necklace, a gray t-shirt, and shorts. He keeps his greenish-blueish eyes REALLY WIDE OPEN all the time. Even though we were introduced early on in the evening, twice he said to me, "Who are you? Have we met?" I guess he can't keep all the ladies straight, since he is a big fat rock star now. He's not really fat, though. He's pretty cute. If you like the frustrated corporate type.

AP: The bass player who said he can "get laid anytime [he wants] back in San Diego." His hair is striped now, a la Ramsey, and has some kind of mushroom pouf going on in the back. Lots of attitude; he kept apart from the group and disappeared when we got to Abeline's. I did not, thank God, get to hear his nasal, grating voice.

Sutton: Ah, Slutton. The hair? Still rooster-y. The body? Compact, but not too teeny. He's about five seven or five eight. Eyes -- large, hazel. He looks just like he did on television, but this night he kept his shirt on and was more drunk. A lot more.

Ramsey: Totally adorable. Wearing jeans, a triple-studded p-rock belt (the punkest of all belts, worn low on the hips), and a blue t-shirt. Stripy hair, sleepy eyes, about six two, a sense of humor...yowza. Not bad. Not bad at all. Too bad he's taken.

Beastie: Not present. Whew.

After the fauxCreed band finished up, a pretty good Black Crowes-ish band called Silvertide started up. The singer and guitarist had great stage presence, and even though they're still in high school, have a song about weed! They won me over totally. Instantly I made the singer guy my new Underage Boyfriend (sorry, Tobey Maguire!) and started thinking of what color to paint the nursery. Ramsey told me to go for it, but since I wasn't holding and I think their mom and dad were there, I restrained myself. Johnny the manager called them "a slam dunk" and if anyone from VH-1 is reading this, they are a very tight five-piece. Sign them up for season two! They aren't clown-core, but they're good.

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Bands on the Run

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