Bands on the Run
Casting Special

Episode Report Card
Alex Richmond: A | Grade It Now!
Doin' it well

What fights did SOULTRAIN have? Zzzzz. Oh, shit, I still have to do this? They fought about booze, and no drinking before playing a show. Beastie prattles on about how they "wait to get wasted," and "if that makes [us] squeaky clean, then squeaky clean" they are, or some such nonsense. What tools. Then he says SOULCRACKERSANDCHEESE have "drank more beer and pissed more blood than any other band, not." Except the part that was true. Then Beastie says "sex" is the best part and LA LA LA LA LA! NOT LISTENING! Sorry, Sars, not gonna happen. Sutton says the best part is the rock and roll, because there's too much drama with the sex and you make your friends angry with the drugs. Sutton, honey? Ditch your friends. You can make better ones. Then they do a really lame, uninspired cover of The Pixies' "Here Comes Your Man," and it SUCKS. Bob sings the high part and cannot keep time with his shaker thing. Beastie is I guess…singing bass? Lord, that's lame. None of their voices have any character. I think they were chosen because they're photogenic. Except for Beastie.

After another sequence of weak video clips -- DODES, you're up. He bangs away at the piano at the Bitter End, and we get it. A funk band that fakes it. Play that funky music, white boy. Lay down the boogie and play that funky music till you die. And die in a hurry; I want to hear some rock music.

Josh says he wasn't popular as a kid. And it still bothers him to this very day. So what am I supposed to do about that now? Cry? Tilt my head and say "aw"? No. Sorry. I can't. You just suck too much. Josh says he found "solace" in music and that he was "passionate about it too," but that made his "peer interactions difficult" as well. So, let me get this straight. You were unpopular, then got into music, so I guess you thought you were pretty hot shit and then things got worse on the school playground? Geek alert! Whoop whoop! And a lame one too! I have no sympathy for people that claim to be still traumatized from being unpopular as kids. Like, get over it! Was your father raping you? Did you get beaten severely? Did your mom crack you across the face for opening a bag of potato chips before dinner? What I'm saying is that you have have felt torture, but that there are DEGREES of difficult times. And Josh? I'm just GUESSING that what you think was rough growing up was not in fact that rough. Put the tiny violin down.

Jo Jo makes a big deal out of being in Kid Rock's band and having been "lied to" and that is was a rap thing at first and then became a metal band, and "quitting" that band was good, since this band is going to do something whether they get (or get kicked off) the show or not. The singers, Maiya and Adrian, introduce themselves. Hi! Then Daryl's up, and he says he brings an air of "stability and balance" to the band because of his age and experience. Ha ha ha. Not! Who was crashing vans and getting in fistfights with people? Daryl? You are neither stable nor balanced. Get. Real.

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Bands on the Run




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