Bands on the Run
Columbus, Part II

Episode Report Card
Mr. Stupidhead: B | Grade It Now!
YOU GRADE IT
Time To Battle!

Commercial time. Mmm. Vlasic pickles.

DODES starts with “Do The Do.” Um, Josh, Mountain Dew called and they want their slogan back. Anyway, they sound pretty much like they always do. Daryl gives the camera a Gene Simmons tongue, which is so unlike him. Fletcher and a couple of the other boys from FLICKERBREAKDOWN start to dance a little, which is kind of cool to see. Josh recapitulates Brandin’s earlier sentiments, and they jump into “Be My Friend But Be Naked.” What’s up with these song titles, man? Anyway, they rock it.

It’s SOULCRACKER’s turn. They suck. Beastie still serves absolutely no purpose. He can’t sing, and he can’t dance. He just flops around the stage and sucks the life out of whatever stage show they have, which isn’t much to begin with. They play some songs. They don’t sound good. Beastie goes way off on some notes, which I suppose is to be expected. Brandin and Fletcher make similar disgusted faces and cover their ears. Word, boys. Word. Anyway, CRACKFACE finishes its set, and Beastie announces, “Come back and meet us, everybody. We want to make some new friends.” That implies that you have other friends, which I doubt. Bob: “We rocked it. We kicked a lot of ass.” Nope. Not true.

So the bands have about half an hour to finish merch sales, and things get pretty naughty. HARLOW has women offering fellatio to whomever purchases their stuff, while CRACKHEAD has a girl stripping a piece of clothing for each buy. FLICKERSTICK doesn’t even bother with their merch. They think they’ve lost anyway, so they go the HARLOW table to buy stuff before they get the boot, which HARLOW really appreciates. They buy about $70 or $80 worth of merch. You see, that’s what makes these guys awesome. When they think they’re going down, what do they do? Help out the sisters. That’s pretty noble, I think.

Merch time has ended. Time to find out once and for all who gets the boot. Daryl: “I keep trying to tell you motherfuckers, I ain’t going home!” Okay, dude. Chill.

Okay, here we go.

Total Tour Earnings:
FLICK -- $4261
HARLOW -- $4994
DODES -- $4690
CRACK -- $5232

That leaves DODES in third, so if FLICK wins, they’re out. If FLICK doesn’t win, then FLICK is out. Uh-oh. Katina breaks down the point system for the battle:

Audience invited by bands: 1 point

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Bands on the Run

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