Bands on the Run
Columbus

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Mr. Stupidhead: A | Grade It Now!
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Ah, how the tables have turned!

Brandin: “I never imagined that we could fall that far behind. It was just a huge fall.” Yeah, dude. You should seriously start working just a little harder, because then you’d be unstoppable.

Brendon and Katina begin to break down the rules for the dreaded battle of the bands. Basically, the bands play, there's a panel of judges, and the band with the lowest earnings after the battle gets the boot. There’s no door charge, but any merch sales are included in the total tour earnings. Here’s the twist: the winner of the battle (according to the judges, that is) cannot be eliminated from the tour, so if the fourth-place band (right now, FLICKY) wins, the third-place band (HARLOW) gets tossed. So if these guys want to stay on the show, they’re gonna have to sell some serious goodies.

I wonder where Katina is from. Maybe she’d like to join Rebecca and me this weekend. Hmm…

Sorry. After all this is said, Cory (clearly blotto) shouts, “Well, we’re gonna kick the shit out of everybody else, so…” SOULCRACKER is not amused, but I am. Bwa ha ha! Ramsey makes this really sour face like he smells a ham-and-egg fart. Shut up, Ramsey. Well, you didn’t actually say anything, but, well, just shut up. And lighten up. Damn. Have a drink or two, relax.

Cory: “I think we have a chance at the battle, because this is really what it’s about; the music. How each of us performs musically.” I guess. But this game is more about doing work and making money, so buck up, there, little camper! Sell something.

In the FLICK van, things are very drunk and confused. Nobody knows what they’re talking about, and things suddenly get all enraged for no reason. Cory starts talking about how he thinks FLICKY is, in fact, the best band on the tour. And it’s not like he’s trash-talking, really, because he mentions that he thinks DODES is “amazing.” It seems more like he’s trying to boost morale, which seems a little necessary when your band goes from first to last in the space of one town. But Fletcher misunderstands Cory’s intentions and starts bringing beef to him: “That’s so cocky! I don’t want to come off like that! Shut the fuck up, you talk too much, that’s your problem!” Cory: “If you keep fucking yelling at me, some fucking shit’s about to go down, so shut the fuck up!” Fletcher, with bird fully flipped: “Fuck you!” Brandin: “Shut up, the both of you, shut the fuck up! Shut the fuck up! Shut! Up!” Silence for exactly one second. Cory: “But what you’re saying is ridiculous, Fletcher.” Brandin, while assaulting Cory: “Shut up! Shut the fuck up! You, too, Fletcher! Shut it! I don’t care what the fuck y’all want to do, I want us to not be fighting! So shut up!” Cory: “Dude…” “Shut the fuck up!” Easy there, Bran-"Lowest Common"-din-"ominator.” Okay, that’s a stretch. My bad. But still. Brandin just totally lost it. I’ve never heard “shut up” so many times in a single minute. Except maybe from Sars when we were younger. Looking back on it, she was right. I was a pest. ["Shut up! Shut it! Shut the fuck up, dude! And get out of my room!" -- Sars] Anyway, the FLICK falls silent as we’re whisked away to Commercialtown, USA.

So Ramsey has some moral issue with the whole “merch swap” thing. I don’t care. A.P. mentions something about being in the band that’s had “no luck. And I’m not just talking on this tour, I mean in six years.” Yup. Time to take a hint, maybe? I’m just sayin’. And it's a little late to be having a moral issue, man.

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Bands on the Run

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