Huge shout-out to Sars and Mr. Stupidhead. Thanks, y'all.
Wait, this show has adult language? Shit! Awesome!
Previously: Sutton takes to drink. Can anyone blame him? Fletcher says that "this is serious now." Heh. FLICKERSTICK totally dominates in the battle of the bands; Rex says, "We will beat them a-GIN!" HARLOW is sent home. Aw.
Sad montage of HARLOW packing. Amanda is wearing Goth Gown #3, the possibly velvet, purple-y black one, and is pounding water. She holds a glass to her lips the whole time as Rebecca is talking, gravelly-voiced, about how they "went out with a bang" last night and are "in dire need of going home." Is this some kind of parlor trick? Is Amanda throwing her voice? Rebecca jokes that next they're "going to go to rehab -- just kidding." No, she's not. Yes, she is. She says they're going to make a record. There's a montage of hugging (even Beastie gets in on it, the hypocrite, and quotes the scarecrow line from the Wizard of Oz), and then Corey says he's glad it isn't them going home. Right -- you still have more girls to bang, don't you? Amanda chugs more water and hugs no one. Brandin calls her "emotional." I think that's code for "rankly hungover and will barf if she has to hug people like Beastie." Rayshele says she's "proud" of HARLOW's efforts. I think that if they had won, Rayshele would have been crushed; there's no cred in success. What if she had to go live on the beach again? That would have been a National Enquirer story for sure. The camera zooms up to the HARLOW van, their beloved "coffin of pimp," and then fades to white. I am going to miss those crazy girls. The sleepy-lidded Ramsey drones on about how "the boys" are glad to have made it to this, the final leg of the tour, and that "there was some mutual respect" between them. Dude, are you high? You guys hate each other. A lot. Go practice your scales and modes and shut up.
Tour Guy assembles the ragged, yawning cast in their stupid semi-circle and gives us the breakdown -- two shows left, and one final Battle of the Bands, before a band can be declared the "winner."
Total tour earnings to date are:
FLICKERSTICK: $6669 (And how cool a number is that?)
SOULSUCKER is leading, those pansy hacks. But wait! Even though the winner is determined by who has raised the most money, and ASSLICKER thought they had a lock because of all of A.P.'s pushy salesmanship, sponsor Guitar Center has swooped in like Superman and arranged to give the next winner of the BoB $5000! SOULFUCKER's faces fall and shatter. They know they are fucked. They have always lost the BoBs. And FLICKERSTICK always dominates. HA HA HA HA HA! Brandin says smugly of Soulcracker, "There was no way they thought they couldn't win." Corey says, "Whoever wins the battle of the bands wins the show." Rex says, "WOOOO!!" The boys pile into their vans and drive off to Miami. On the highway, SNACKCRACKLE throws ice and shoot bottle rockets at FLICKERSTICK in the name of playful vandalism, but -- come on. They want to win. If FLICKERSTICK dies in the process, hey, they can live with it. Corey, behind the wheel, screams and throws the horns. He isn't scared.