Bates Motel
Nice Town You Picked, Norma…

Episode Report Card
Jacob Clifton: A+ | 6 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Past The Breakers

Norman: "Yes, Emma. I would love to do this assignment with you. Please do invite yourself to my house of horrors where I live. Bring your oxygen tank to make it even bleaker, would you?"

Is it possible Emma Decody has somehow gotten more even beautiful since the pilot? That's nice. Looking better always makes you feel better, that's what I say. And vice versa.

After school, Norman brings a potted pink flower to the ICU, but Richard Slymore intercepts and coldly promises to hand the plant over to Bradley just as soon as he fucks right off.

CANDY STICK

Is the name -- and motif -- White Pine Bay's finest/saddest (/same thing) ecdysiastical establishment has given itself, after what I'm sure was an exhaustive search for the grodiest possible name you could give a strip joint. "What really says infantilized idiots but also involves licking?" Now if I had a strip club...

Well okay, I always said that if I had a strip club it would be called "Naked Keanu" and all the girls would look like Keanu Reeves circa 1992, but that's only because I read about this very real club in a magazine when I was a kid and have never been able to convince anyone that it was real and not a dream I had or an urban legend.

But for the purposes of this conversation, I would call my strip club "Wangdoodles" and there would be a caricature cartoonist on staff at all times who would draw a picture of you sitting there with your exaggerated erection and sell it to you for five bucks, because from what I can tell strip clubs are mainly about showing other men how big your heterosexual boner is getting, which is just one more thing I don't understand about straight guys and how that whole thing works. All the video screens would be closed-captioned loops of the dancers, sans makeup, tucking their kids into bed and then explaining directly to the camera what happened to them.

Dylan can't help but notice a guy bellied up to the stage, weeping and although at first he is defensive about his tears, he immediately apologizes. Quite an emotionally open environment, this "Candy Stick." Turns out he's crying about his boss, Bradley's Dad, about whom he seems to care very deeply.

Dylan: "I just moved here, but I respect your emotions and I support you unequivocally."
Crying Man: "Let me buy you a beer for your kindness."
Dylan: "Is that money? I too would like some money."

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Bates Motel

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