How does Norma react to being put in jail for killing her rapist, while her husband/son is off losing her virginity? Oh, pretty well. Just kidding, she goes mental on everybody and screams at her adorable lawyer and screams at her adorable sons and screams at her adorable boyfriend and breaks Norman's heart into a million billion pieces and generally wrecks shop all over the place... Until Deputy Shelby manages to "misplace" that crucial carpet evidence for love of her, and the whole case falls apart. That's so great, because Norma and Shelby could be really happy together. Just kidding, he keeps Chinese sex-slaves in his basement.
Or -- as of Norman's sloppy B&E (on A&E) -- in dead Keith Summers's old boat, as it turns out. As Emma explains, you have to think like a sex-slave-haver: You want multiple places to keep your sex-slaves, in case an Ambien zombie teen burglar finds her. Local color note: the sex boat is also called The Seafairer, I guess because Keith Summers was one of those guys whose only creativity lay in sex crimes.
Emma links Shelby to the boat with her brainy brain, takes Norman there for a confab about how Bradley literally could not have been clearer about the meaninglessness of their sexual encounter -- tables that, because he's entrenched and googly-eyed -- and then breaks the fuck into the S.S. Sex Trade with her O2 tank (so many uses this thing has) where, yes, they do find Jiao. All five-foot-filthy-nothing of her raving-zombie, drug-addicted sex-slave ass, growling and clawing at them and occasionally passing out in her own barf.
It's a fun situation, a real "cool scene," and definitely something that children should try to handle all on their own. My favorite part was when she bit the shit out of Norman's hand and you're just like, "Welcome to every disease."
Norma sees red when she notices Emma's car outside one of the motel rooms -- where I guess they're going to see how Jiao cleans up, I wasn't totally clear on their long-term vision -- because she assumes they are doing it, just to hurt her feelings. And then she assumes that they're doing it with some cracked-out Chinese chick, which I'm sure she'd find a way to blame on Dylan. And then finally the girl confirms Norman's story with a literal photograph of Deputy Shelby himself, and we close out on Norma thinking, "And yet, I do not want to go to jail for murder. So maybe we can work something out." All in all, a pretty normal day.
But what about Dylan? I know, right. I love that kid. So his whole thing is that when the second Norman told him the sordid story about the rape that became a murder, his wheels started turning about how he could kidnap his baby brother and go live somewhere on the titular beach off of his drug-mob money, and they'd never have to worry about Norma's increasingly unhinged ass again. Like, you would not believe how quickly he springs into action on this plan once Norma gets arrested.
And then when Norma kicks Norman out of the car in the middle of nowhere -- which I'm not even mad about, she's just bein' Norma -- Dylan comes and saves him out of nowhere and they go on this brotherly motorcycle ride in their little helmets and their little outfits and they love it sooo muuuuuch and it goes on for just long enough that you're done letting it make you cry when it's finished. Love those boys. You know who else really cares about those boys?
Continuing his trend of being way too into Dylan's family dynamic, merc partner Ethan -- crier-at-stripclubs, sayer-of-the-word-Bro-like-a-million-awkward-times -- hands Dylan five grand to start his new life as a single father/brother, because there is honor among drug mobsters. The next thing that happens is a random junkie who owes Dylan's boss money walks up to their truck and blows Ethan's sweet little head off. He is down a good/his only friend, which is sad, but on the other hand he's up five g's and a sick-ass truck, so... Back to the strip club to pick up the next weeping stranger, one supposes.
But I had to wonder: What would be the ombudsman situation here? Does Dylan even know how to get in touch with their employer? We'll have to wait for next week for the answers to these pressing human resource issues, because the next thing Dylan decides to do is track the junkie kid through the streets -- suspenseful and harrowing! -- and eventually run him down until he is just pieces. So the whole "eye for an eye" thing is alive and well in Dylan... Dylan... Um. Dylan, if I'm going to love you this much I'm gonna need a full name. My vote is Texas.
That was a joke. But what is not a joke is: I will miss you, Ethan! I especially liked how you were always crying at strip clubs, and randomly handing strange boys huge sums of money.
Next Week: Oh, I'm guessing Norma's dilemma -- give up her hot boyfriend and her freedom and go spiraling into madness, or just return his sex slave to him like a proper neighbor would do -- will resolve itself in some fucked-up way that involves juices and barfing and people getting shot and/or run over. And probably Dylan will make some very valid points and hand out stellar advice, and everybody will still treat him like he's goddamn Theon Greyjoy because that's just his lot in life. "I guess I just have one of those faces where only mob heavies and drug dealers could see what a trustworthy guy I am." Which, to be fair.
Dylan made a friend at the strip club, Ethan, who -- when he's not setting people on fire in the name of frontier justice and/or shooting people and breaking their legs for his drug dealer bosses -- seems to be very focused on family values and all-around charitable behavior. Dylan finally figured out a way to reach out to Norman in a way that did not scare him off, which was lovely and which eventually contributed to getting Norman laid over at mysterious Bradley's house. Norma got arrested for the murder of Keith Summers, thankfully in a way that was not Norman's fault, but unfortunately she still does not believe in his hallucinations (?) about her boyfriend's sex prisoners.
Norman takes in sleepy Bradley for a while, feeling on fire in his new skin. He thinks about touching her hair and decides not, probably because of her creepy pantyhose bodysuit she's wearing for reasons of modesty that is distractingly sparkling in the morning light like he just accidentally boned a member of the Cullen family of vampires that lives a mere six-hour drive up the coast.
He walks home, feeling well chuffed, and keeps giggling to himself and remembering how: Sex.
Dylan: "Hey, buddy. Spring in your step there, I see."
Norman, awkwardly: "Tee hee."
ibid., immediately: "...Where is Mother?"
Dylan: "She is, um, in jail."
Boys: "How's it going, Norma?"
Norma: "How it's going is, I am a rat in a cage. Despite all my rage. I can't even be looking at you right now."
Dylan: "Why are you pissed at me?"
Norma: "I am always pissed at you."
Dylan: "Fair enough."
Norman: "What about me, Mother?"
Norma: "You, I can't talk about it because it will fuck you up, so I'll just growl."
"I'm glad you want to help, Norman. Really, it's big of you. Any mother would be broken in half by such devotion."
He really is astounded and confused, like, what if your left knee or your right elbow started talking trash and acting like a scary mother you dream about, for no reason at all? Could she smell it on him and that's what she's trying to take away? Is this about the belt? Does she have him wrapped up with that night in his mind, like he does with her?
Boys: "We are going to save you and post bail, okay?"