Norman: "Maybe sometimes you don't lead people on, Penelope? Sometimes that works out better. Think about that wisdom. Now excuse me, I have to write Mrs. Bradley Bates on my notebook eleven thousand more times and then she will love me."
Norma: "In closing, I would just like to get very volatile for a second about how you are attracting strays to the house. Stray bitches. And then I have to deal with them."
Norma: "Emma, that boy can be a real piece. Sorry he's dogging you like this. Also, not at all sorry, because you stole his virtue and sullied him forever."
Emma: "Okay. Can I still stare at you like a startled ghost for about ten minutes? I kind of wish I had a mom and you're kind of the most awesomely insane person I ever met."
Norma: "...You know what, why don't you come with me into town. I need to pick up some window sheers and it's time for my semi-annual display of concern for another living being."
Emma: "That sounds pretty rad. Can we do donuts in the parking lot while you scream your face off?"
Norma: "More than likely, my dear."
ON THE ROAD
Norma: "How do people talk, how to do human talking... yes. Emma, Norman has been distracted lately, so I wouldn't take it personally. You know, between the rapes and murders and sex slaves and arrests and whatnot. Dylan fuckin' everything up all the time."
Emma: "He does seem to be pretty distant. Pretty distracted."
Norma: "Any thoughts on that?"
Emma: "I go to school with her, obviously."
Norma: "Hold up, you're not sleeping with him? What the hell, there's another girl?"
Emma: "Yeah, her name is Bradley and she is perfect. Gorgeous and popular. And super kind, so you can't even hate her. It's the worst."
Norma: "That is the worst!"
Emma, characteristically: "She is like a locomotive of sexual energy."
The crazy light goes off over Norma's head in a big way, almost like Emma planned it rather than just talking in her usual hilarious Emma way.
Norma: "I'm so sure some high school cheerleader is all that big a deal."
Emma: "Don't be a hater, Mrs. Bates. We can go spy on her in her yoga class if you want, after we pick up the window sheers..."
Norma: "You are in it to win it, little girl."
Emma: "But I mean, that would be crazy. Right?"