Bradley was like, "You know we're not dating, right?" And Emma was like, "You know you're not dating her, right?" And Norman was all, "Yeah no, yeah." But the truth was quite the opposite. Bradley had to make double sure that they were totally not dating, which resulted in him almost murdering her, but by the fourth or fifth time she dumped him he was starting to grasp what is going on. (Just kidding, he still only barely grasps it.) Dylan has produced for their mother a whole motel's worth of cute gross hippies for the marijuana processing that White Pine Bay runs on, but the sinister sex-slaver Jake Abernathy -- just the latest in a very long line of disappointing men to traipse past Norma Bates's window -- ruined even that fragile truce by leaving her autopsied ex-boyfriend's corpse in her bed. In her bed!
UP THE HILL
Orange Pants Hottie has been joined by Canadian Andrew Garfield Hottie -- one of whom has to be Remo's kid in real life? -- and all the hippies are watching the cops drag Shelby's body out of the house and down the hill for the second time.
Norma: "I was just about to go on a date with my distant second-choice son, and..."
Romero: "Any idea who would bring your boyfriend's dead body back to your house and put it in your bed?"
Norma: "Ordinarily I would say Zach Shelby, just a classic Zach Shelby Move, but I really don't think it was him this time. My new person who is constantly ruining my life is Jake Abernathy, an old friend of Shelby's and Keith Summers and presumably Gil and presumably you, who told me last week pretty explicitly, I am going to ruin your life in various ways such as putting dead bodies in your upstairs bedrooms, and the like."
Romero: "No, I'm sure these are all just random coincidences. But if you'd like to give me Abernathy's obviously fake information..."
"I THOUGHT HE WAS CRAZY! LIKE WHY? WHY DO CRAZY PEOPLE KEEP GRAVITATING TOWARDS ME?" Everybody on the show stares awkwardly at the floor and tries not to point out, or even think about, the fact that Norma Bates is easily the craziest person any of them have ever met or even heard of.
Dylan: "And now we have to throw out the mattress too? Just because some autopsied dude might have leaked on it?"
Norman: "I hear you, but I also never had a boyfriend accidentally rape me and then turn up dead in my bed after being autopsied. Possibly we don't have all the facts of what she's going through."