Battlestar Galactica
Battlestar Galactica, Part I

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B- | 11 USERS: A
YOU GRADE IT
Disco Inferno

Caprica. Boomer is STILL pulling numbers out of her helmet, while the mob that was ready to lynch her in the last scene just waits patiently. What. Ever. It goes without saying that one of the lottery winners is the only hot girl in the crowd, although I probably should mention that Baltar is hiding out on the fringes of the group. And, of course, the blind old lady next to him is the one with the last winning ticket. He contemplates stealing it for himself, but before he can, Sergeant Sacrificial Stan recognizes him, and finally lives up to his nickname by offering to give up his seat to someone he describes as "one of the greatest minds of our times." Oy. Baltar climbs on board the ship, and looks back to see Number Six standing in the crowd. When we pan back, however, she's gone. That'll be important for Part Two. Boomer gets ready to take off, and Boxey happily calls shotgun while the rest of the civilians stretch out in the back. The ship lifts off, and after Stan uses his flare gun on some guy stupid enough to try and catch a ride on the wing, he's left behind in the swirling dust for a tearful farewell shot. So long, Stan. You were one-dimensional and stupid to the end, but you fulfilled your plot purpose, and that's a better fate than anyone has a right to expect at this point.

The SS Edmund Herbreastserus. Apollo and Mary are in the cockpit, listening to a recording that tells them that the government has declared "Case Orange." That's only moderately different from the current government's Case Orange, because here it means that the President and Vice-President are already dead. Mary asks the Captain to transmit her ID number to some computer somewhere, which will tell her who's still alive and who's now in charge. Instead of waiting to find out, however, Mary heads back to her seat, where she's soon joined by Apollo. She tells him that she's forty-third in the line of succession, and then babbles interminably about how she knows the other forty-two, and how they've all been working for the President since he was the Mayor and blah blah zzzzzzzz. Whatever. She hates politics! She's really a good guy! Do you get it? Do you? The Captain comes back, and to absolutely no one's surprise, Mary is officially the new president. Yeah, right. Baltar survived because he was at his cabin in the woods, but no one else involved with the government was on vacation? "We'll need a priest," announces Mary.

But sadly, she'll just have to settle for a lady in a goofy robe. Mary gets sworn in as the new president, and it's all very LBJ on the plane to Dallas. Part of the oath of office, incidentally, includes the phrase "with every fiber in my being." Yeah. I don't ever want to live in a country that makes its President swear on the word "fiber." If you're interested, the entire oath contains the words "avow," "affirm," "Kobol," "colonies," "fiber," "being," and "sovereignty." I'm moving to Canada.

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Battlestar Galactica

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