Cut to an old-school Cylon Centurion, on display in the "Gift Shop" that now occupies one of Galactica's landing pods. Yeah. Way to show respect to your source material, guys. On the other hand, they're so obviously desperate to make this remake modern and "in-your-face" that I'm frankly surprised they didn't go with the obvious in-joke of putting a Starbuck's coffee shop in there somewhere. Although to be fair, those old costumes do look pretty cheesy. They were the shiznit back in the day, though. Can you dig it? In a different landing pod, Mary McDonnell is arriving on her passenger liner. She's greeted by Poor Man's Kevin Spacey, who leads her deeper into the ship to get ready for the ceremony. Lackey Howser tries to follow, but he's distracted by the sight of the only significant crew member we haven't met yet. It's Lieutenant Uhura, the stereotypically female African-American communications officer. She is kind of cute, so it's easy to understand why Lackey Howser gets distracted, but when he looks up again, he soon realizes that he's completely and utterly lost in the Mobius maze. He wanders around for a bit, and then, because the Sci-Fi network totally knows their audience, he ends up blundering into a coed locker-room. Lieutenant Uhura is in there washing up, and despite the fact that she (and everyone else in the room) is fully clothed, Lackey Howser gets all flustered and distracted. Yeah, whatever. I liked this scene better in Starship Troopers.
The Third Law of Science Fiction: Co-ed locker-rooms. They're every nerd's fantasy! (See: Starship Troopers, Robocop, Aliens, Ender's Game.)
Elsewhere in The Corridor, Edward James Olmos and Mary McDonnell are having a little chat. You'd totally think these two would be the thespian heavyweights here, right? Wrong. Mary looks sleepy, and just kind of stares off into space about three inches to the left of Olmos's eyes, and you can actually see Ed forget his lines in the middle of a sentence. Of course, he is trying to deliver awkward exposition about network node design and router installs, so it's somewhat understandable. Even in the future, bosses never understand IT. Those of you playing at home can now check "Galactica has no networked computer systems" off your exposition checklist. Only three hundred and twenty-seven more items to go!
Down in the brig, Starbuck is doing push-ups. "This looks familiar," quips Apollo. Ooh. Dirty! She jumps up to greet him with a smile, and her heavy breathing only adds to the serious porno vibe this entire scene is giving off. "Sorry I wasn't there to greet you with the rest of squadron, big boy," she adds. Whoa! What kind of movie is this, anyway? But wait, it gets worse: "Did they kiss your ass to your satisfaction?" she asks. Ew. In her defense, however, that is a valid question on this ship. The actor playing Apollo, by the way, is totally the illicit love child of Corin Nemec and Mark Wahlberg, which is another movie quite a few of you would probably like to see. They chat about how she ended up in the brig again, and Starbuck describes her crime as "striking a superior asshole." Then they discuss the fact that they haven't seen each other in two years, since the funeral of Apollo's brother Zak. Aww. I remember Zak. Apollo blames Dad for his death, and even Starbuck gives the boy grief for not respecting the old man like everyone else does. All right, seriously. What the hell is Olmos slipping into the ventilation shafts on this ship? Or do they just keelhaul the people who fail to express their undying love for the guy at least once every fifteen minutes? "Zak was my brother," snots Apollo. "And what was he to me?" retorts Starbuck. "Nothing?" "Um, Jessie's girl?" offers Apollo. "Except, of course, that would be what you were to him, and besides, only the people who know that Rick Springfield played Zak in the original will get it, and now I've gone and over-explained the whole thing and killed the joke. Sorry." He does, however, remain unrepentant in the face of her endless proselytizing for the Cult of Olmos, and Starbuck ends the scene by threatening to fist…er, "strike another superior asshole." Bamp chicka bamp bamp.