Battlestar Galactica
Battlestar Galactica, Part II

Episode Report Card
Aaron: B | 5 USERS: A
The Day After

And perhaps here's my chance. Adama is still stuck on the space station with Sweaty Guy, only now they've moved to a room with lots of loose metal objects and leaky steam pipes, so you just know there's a fight scene coming. Before that can happen, however, Sweaty Guy has to deliver a bunch of exposition about how the storm that surrounds the anchorage is poisonous to Cylons or some such. He also explains (again!) that when Cylons die, they wake up in another body, which means he'll be able to tell everyone exactly where to find the Galactica. And then he repeats Adama's line from last night about not being able to hide from the things that he's done. This, of course, tells Adama that the Cylons must have a spy on board Galactica. Or perhaps even more than one, as we'll find out eventually. Anyway, the exposition finally gets wrapped up, and then the looooove baton comes crashing through the hull just as Adama grabs Sweaty Guy by the lapels and leans in real close to kiss…er, "kill him." They fight. Because this miniseries doesn't contain even one single original idea anywhere, Adama finally defeats his foe by holding his face over a leaky steam pipe. Can anyone here actually name an action movie where that DOESN'T happen? Yeah. Didn't think so.

Also, here's a quick note to casting agents everywhere: The Olmos is great at delivering portentous dialogue with the appropriate gravitas, but he should never, ever be cast in a role that requires any form of physical exertion. Just trust me. It's bad. If you looking for a paraplegic crime-fighter with a heavy heart, he's your man, but his days of standing and delivering are long, long gone.

Galactica. Baltar and Commodore 64 review their respective exposition checklists, confirming that the Cylons have been using Baltar's navigation program to shut down all the Colonial units. What's great about this bit is that in the future, even clipboards will be octagonal. Now that's attention to detail. But I'd still totally love to see the wastebasket in the prop department that contains all the corners they had to cut off of everything. That definitely needs to be on the DVD. Commodore 64 wants to know how Baltar feels about his creation being used to destroy the human race, but Baltar is too distracted by the reappearance of Number Six to provide a coherent answer. She teases him about not "being burdened by a conscience, or guilt, or regret," but 64 can't hear her, so he just gives Baltar a nice little pep talk while Six thrusts her presumably hallucinatory tits into his face. Baltar's face. Not Commodore 64's. Did you really think a guy named Commodore 64 could get a girl like Six? Well, actually, we'll talk more about that one later.

Commodore 64 leaves, and Number Six cheerfully observes that she hopes Baltar survives, because she really thinks they could have a future together. Heh. Then she draws his attention to a device mounted in the middle of the bridge that I would have been inclined to describe as a futuristic smoke detector if it weren't for the fact that it's not octagonal. She asks if he's seen it anywhere before, which allows the producers to insert a wholly gratuitous flashback to the pleather panties scene, where Six was carrying the object in question in her giant metal purse. It totally looks like a diaphragm in that shot, by the way. Using only her nipples to count with, Baltar manages to put two and two together and realizes that the smoke detector is a Cylon device, which means there's at least one other Cylon on board. Dun dun DUH! Or actually dum dum dumb, because we already knew that three scenes ago. Commercials.

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Battlestar Galactica




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