Battlestar Galactica
Colonial Day

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Let Baltar Be Baltar

Previously: Zarek was a convict and Helo was a conned dick.

We open with a shot of Could 9, a luxury liner. It's got a gigantic dome of reinforced glass, and there are the outlines of trees visible as we zoom in closer. Or possibly the outlines of paintings of trees.

Inside the dome, the supports appear as faint cross-hatching in the sky, which is a nice touch. It appears that the dome's interior, or at least this part of it, is a large artificial garden. We pan down to sign reading, "Welcome Quorum Delegates," and then the idyllic scenery is shattered by a news pundit. Isn't that always the way? The host, McManus, welcomes the audience to Colonial Gang: "It's a new talk show that brings you the inside scoop on the fleet's movers and shakers." It is some measure of how on-the-nose the smarmy style is that I'm already wishing I could change channels. McManus reminds us that he used to be a reporter for the Caprica Times, and then introduces his guests as "two of the only remaining legitimate journalists left in the universe." They are Playa Palacios and Sekou Hamilton, who were both featured in last week's press conference. I hereby declare the first rule of Battlestar Galactica: the silliness of a character's name is directly proportional to the silliness of the actual character. You can plot everyone on a continuum with "Laura Roslin" at one extreme and "Playa Palacios" at the other. In fact, that would probably make a fine rainy-day activity for the kids. Or make it into fun game for the whole family! Is this a good time to mention that I'm a teeny bit tired? McManus explains that the Cloud 9 was damaged in the initial Cylon attack, and repairs have just been completed.

We cut to, uh, somewhere. It's a dimly lit room, where a shadowy figure is packing a briefcase while listening to Colonial Gang. The problem with that title is that while it does remind me of Capital Gang, it reminds me just as much of Our Gang. I mean, if my mind were a Jeopardy! game (and who's to say that it isn't?), they both turn up under "Boring Shows That I Surf Past On Weekends." McManus explains that the Cloud 9 is going to host "the first meeting of the interim Quorum of Twelve, which will coincide with "Colonial Day, the 52nd Anniversary of the signing of the Articles of Colonization." Meanwhile, Briefcase Guy fiddles with a gun. McManus finishes his impressive burst of exposition and invites Playa to chime in, but she only gets as far as saying that the Prez should be applauded before McManus starts laughing. Playa insists that the Prez is restoring checks and balances. McManus scoffs.

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Battlestar Galactica

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